Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cümle yapınızı basitleştirip akıcılığı artırın; gereksiz dolgu kelimelerini (umm, uh) çıkarın. Soruyu doğrudan cevaplayıp ardından 1-2 kısa destekleyici detay verin. Ayrıca zaman uyumuna dikkat edin (geçmiş için 'liked'). Örnek yapı: konu cümlesi (Yes, I loved going to parks as a child.), neden belirten bir veya iki kısa neden (They had swings and wide green spaces where I could run and play with my friends.). Bağlaç kullanımıyla akışı sağlayın.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because they had swings and wide green spaces. In addition, I often played games with my friends there, which made those days very enjoyable.

提案: Cevabınızı net ve kibar yapın; olumsuz ifadeleri doğrudan kişisel tercihiniz olduğunu belirterek yumuşatın. Gereksiz tekrar ve dolgu kelimelerini çıkarın. Bir sebep verin ve bir karşıt görüş ekleyin (linking word: however) örneğin: 'I don't enjoy them as much now because… However…'.

例: I don't enjoy going to parks as much now because they often feel crowded and noisy. However, I sometimes visit quieter parks for a walk or to relax.

提案: Daha açık ve düzgün cümlelerle düşüncenizi ifade edin. 'Children are happy' gibi düzgün bir yapı kullanın. Bir neden ve bir sonuç verin; bağlaçlar (because, so) ile akışı sağlayın. Fazla tekrar ve anlamsız ifadelerden kaçının.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide safe places for children to play. As a result, more parks would improve the community's well-being and encourage families to spend time outdoors.

提案: Cevabı daha spesifik hale getirin: hangi parklara gitmek istediğinizi belirtin (örneğin 'a big botanical garden' veya 'a seaside park'). 'Wanna' yerine uygun formal dil kullanın (I would like/want). Bir neden ve beklenen sonuç ekleyin; bağlaç kullanın.

例: Yes, I would like to visit a large botanical garden and a seaside park in the future because they offer peaceful environments and opportunities for exercise. Visiting these parks would help me relax and stay healthy.

× Yes, I like going to park as a child because, umm, parks are very fun.

✓ Yes, I liked going to parks as a child because parks were very fun.

The student mixes present tense with a past-childhood time frame. Use past tense 'liked' and plural 'parks' with article omitted or use 'the parks' if specific. Also ensure verb agreement with plural 'parks were'. Suggestion: use past tense consistently when talking about childhood experiences: 'I liked going to parks as a child.'

× Umm, I think I don't like park the parks now because they are very childish and I don't like children.

✓ Umm, I don't like parks now because they are childish and I don't like children.

The sentence incorrectly mixes tenses and includes redundant words 'park the parks'. Use simple present 'don't like' for current preferences and plural 'parks'. Also remove 'I think' if uncertain, or keep it but ensure correct word order: 'I think I don't like parks now.'

× Yes, uh, I like to see more parks in my city because, uh, I really like. Children's be happy and parks make happy. Parks make happy beach children.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they make children happy.

The original contains fragmented sentences, incorrect verb 'be' with 'children's', and awkward phrases like 'make happy beach children'. Use conditional/would to express desire for more parks and a simple clause 'they make children happy.' Suggestion: combine ideas into one clear sentence: 'I would like to see more parks because they make children happy.'

× Yes, I I wanna a little a lot of parks in the future because. Parks and Macal Parks make people healthy and people love park.

✓ Yes, I want to visit many parks in the future because parks make people healthy and people love parks.

Informal 'wanna' should be 'want to' and fragmented 'a little a lot' is incorrect; use 'many' or 'a lot of'. Ensure plural 'parks' and present tense 'make' for general truths. Also remove unclear 'Macal Parks' unless it is a proper noun; if so, capitalize and clarify. Suggestion: 'I want to visit many parks in the future because parks make people healthy.'