Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Bạn cần cải thiện ngữ pháp cơ bản, trật tự từ và chọn từ chính xác. Hãy bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề rõ ràng (Yes/No + reason), tránh lỗi thì (past tense) và dùng cụm từ tự nhiên hơn (e.g., "my favorite place"). Đồng thời hạn chế độ dài: không quá 3-4 câu. Thực hành chia động từ đúng (went, used to go) và dùng cụm giới từ phù hợp (in the afternoon).

例: Yes. Parks were my favorite places when I was a child because I used to play there with my friends. I went to the park in the afternoons after school and we often played games or had picnics.

提案: Cần trả lời trực tiếp, rõ ràng và sử dụng thì hiện tại hoàn thành/hiện tại đơn phù hợp. Tránh lặp từ và sửa cấu trúc "it takes me a lot of time". Nên nêu lý do ngắn gọn, mạch lạc, dùng liên từ (because, so) để liên kết ý. Giữ tối đa 3 câu.

例: Not really. I don't often go to parks now because I study finance at university and my schedule is very busy. As a result, I spend most of my free time studying and developing new skills.

提案: Bạn cần dùng từ vựng chính xác (parks, not parts) và diễn đạt ý mạch lạc hơn. Bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề (Yes, I would) rồi nêu lý do cụ thể (benefits: recreation, environment). Tránh lặp và thêm một ví dụ hoặc so sánh ngắn nếu cần.

例: Yes, I would. I think my city needs more parks because urban areas here lack green spaces, which are important for recreation and for improving air quality. For example, a new park would give families a place to relax and children somewhere safe to play.

提案: Cần trả lời trực tiếp và dùng tên địa điểm đúng (Disneyland). Sửa ngữ pháp (when I succeed / when I am successful) và tránh lặp từ. Nên giải thích ngắn lý do tại sao muốn đến (attractions, rides). Giữ 2-3 câu rõ ràng.

例: I would like to visit Disneyland in the future when I am successful. I want to go because it has many interesting attractions and rides that I have only seen in photos.

× Yes, park in my favorite destination when I was try.

✓ Yes, parks were my favorite destination when I was young.

The original sentence has several structure issues: missing plural and article, incorrect verb 'try' instead of 'young', and incorrect verb tense. Change 'park' to plural 'parks' to match general preference (Grammar ID 1), use past tense 'were' for state in the past (Grammar ID 5), and replace 'try' with the correct word 'young'. Suggestion: keep subject and verb agreement and use the correct past-time adjective 'young'.

× I usually go to park at afternoon time.

✓ I usually went to the park in the afternoon.

Problems: missing definite article 'the' before 'park' and incorrect preposition/time phrase. Also tense should match past context (Grammar IDs 22 and 5). Use 'went' for past habitual action, 'the park' for a specific place, and 'in the afternoon' for correct time expression. Suggestion: use 'in the afternoon' and include 'the' before singular countable nouns when specific.

× Uh no. Now I am a student of finance university therefore it take me a it take me a whole time to study and and gain more gain more new skill is the reason I don't have time.

✓ No. Now I am a finance university student, therefore it takes me a lot of time to study and to gain new skills; that is why I don't have time.

Multiple issues: incorrect word order and article usage ('student of finance university' should be 'finance university student'), subject-verb agreement 'it take' should be 'it takes' (Grammar ID 27/2), repetition and wrong quantifier 'a it take me a whole time' -> 'a lot of time' (Grammar ID 14), missing infinitive markers and plural 'skills' (Grammar IDs 8 and 1). Also sentence run-on; separate clauses with punctuation. Suggestion: fix word order, ensure subject-verb agreement, use correct quantifiers and plural nouns, and use 'to' before verbs in series.

× So it's true, I really want to have more parts in my city because in my city, in my city and even in my country don't have more parks in urban.

✓ Yes, that's true. I really want more parks in my city because my city and even my country do not have many parks in urban areas.

Issues: 'parts' should be 'parks' (word choice), wrong repetition and incorrect verb agreement 'don't have' with singular 'my city' (Grammar ID 27), incorrect use of 'more' vs 'many' for countable plural 'parks' (Grammar ID 14), and awkward phrase 'in urban' should be 'in urban areas' (Grammar ID 11). Suggestion: use 'many' for plural countable nouns, correct subject-verb agreement with compound subjects, and use 'urban areas' for clarity.

× But I want to come when when I success.

✓ But I want to go when I am successful.

Problems: incorrect verb choice 'come' vs 'go' depending on speaker intention, missing auxiliary and adjective form 'successful' instead of noun 'success' (Grammar ID 9/13). Also duplicate 'when when'. Suggestion: use 'be + adjective' to describe state in the future condition: 'when I am successful'.

× I think it's a Disneyland in Disneyland have a lot of interesting, interesting thing.

✓ I think it's Disneyland; Disneyland has a lot of interesting things.

Issues: unnecessary article 'a' before 'Disneyland' (proper nouns do not take 'a') (Grammar ID 22/17), incorrect verb form 'have' should be 'has' for third person singular (Grammar ID 2), and pluralize 'thing' to 'things' for countable items (Grammar ID 1/13). Also avoid repetition. Suggestion: remove the article before proper nouns, use correct third-person verb agreement, and use plural for countable multiple items.