Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장 구조를 간결하고 자연스럽게 정리하세요. 중복 표현(예: "going to park", "to talk")을 피하고, 주제 문장 뒤에 구체적인 세부사항(개 이름, 활동, 감정)을 논리적으로 연결하는 연습을 하세요. 또한 시제와 단수/복수 형태(예: "dogs — their names")를 정확히 사용하세요.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. My family often took our two dogs, Mimi and Momo, for walks there, and we spent time talking and playing together. Those visits were special because they gave us a chance to relax and bond.

提案: 의도를 명확히 표현하세요(체중 감량을 위해 걷는다는 점). 불필요한 반복("I I", "So")을 줄이고 연결어를 적절히 사용해 이유와 예시를 구조화하세요. 또한 'work around' 대신 정확한 동사(예: "walk")를 사용하고 문장 길이를 2~3문장으로 유지하세요.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they are great places for exercise. For example, after meals I usually take a walk in the park to help with digestion and to stay fit. I find walking in a park is more pleasant than exercising indoors.

提案: 중복되는 표현을 정리하고 명확한 이유(예: 도시의 녹지 부족, 걷기 장소 필요)를 논리적으로 제시하세요. 어휘 정확성에 주의하세요(예: "working around park" → "walking in parks", "parking" → "parks"). 문장을 2~3개로 나누어 가독성을 높이세요.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city. I live in Xinjiang, which is quite built-up and lacks green spaces, so more parks would provide places to walk and relax. They would also improve air quality and residents' well-being.

提案: 불필요한 반복을 줄이고 사실 관계와 표현을 명확히 하세요(예: 'the park where the Queen lives' 대신 'royal parks like Hyde Park'). 유학 계획과 연결하여 이유를 간결하게 제시하면 좋습니다. 또한 문장 하나에 정보가 너무 많지 않도록 분리하세요.

例: I don't know the exact name, but I would like to visit some famous parks in the UK, such as Hyde Park. Since I plan to study there, I hope to explore these royal parks and enjoy the landscapes and local culture.

× I liked going to park as a child because I had two dogs, their name is Mimi and Momo H and our our family really like to working around the park and going to park and taking time to talk about.

✓ I liked going to parks as a child because I had two dogs; their names are Mimi and Momo H, and our family really liked working around the park and going to the park and taking time to talk.

학생은 단수 복수 처리를 혼동했습니다. 'park'는 일반적으로 공원을 여러 번 가는 행위를 말할 때 'parks' 또는 특정 공원을 말할 때 'the park'로 써야 합니다. 'two dogs' 뒤에는 복수 명사에 맞게 'names'를 사용해야 합니다. 시제 일치도 필요합니다('liked'). 또한 'working around the park' 앞에 관사 'the'가 필요합니다. Suggestion: Use plural 'parks' for general visits or 'the park' for a specific park, change 'their name is' to 'their names are', and make verbs agree in tense and number.

× their name is Mimi and Momo H and our our family really like to working around the park

✓ their names are Mimi and Momo H and our family really liked working around the park

주어가 복수('their names')이므로 동사도 복수형이나 복수에 맞게 표현해야 합니다. 'our family'는 단체 주어로 단수 취급되지만 과거 문맥에서는 'liked'가 적절합니다. 또한 'like to working'에서 'to'와 '-ing'가 함께 쓰여 잘못된 형태입니다. Suggestion: Use 'names are' for multiple dogs, use 'liked' to match past tense, and use either 'like to work' or 'like working' (not 'like to working').

× our our family really like to working around the park and going to park and taking time to talk about.

✓ our family really liked working around the park and going to the park and taking time to talk.

'like to working'는 잘못된 형태입니다. 'like' 다음에는 'to' + base verb(원형) 또는 동명사(-ing)를 써야 합니다 ('like to work' 또는 'like working'). 또한 중복된 'our'를 제거하고 관사 사용을 고쳐야 합니다. Suggestion: Remove duplicate words, use 'liked working' for past preference, and use 'the park' when referring to a specific park.

× Yeah, I like going to parks now because it is really helpful to lose weight as I know.

✓ Yeah, I like going to parks now because, as far as I know, they are really helpful for losing weight.

문맥은 현재 사실을 말하므로 복수 주어 'parks'에 맞게 지시대명사와 동사, 목적 표현을 조정해야 합니다. 'helpful to lose weight'는 어색하므로 'helpful for losing weight' 또는 'helpful in losing weight'가 자연스럽습니다. 또한 'as I know'는 위치를 수정해 'as far as I know'로 표현하는 것이 더 자연스럽습니다. Suggestion: Use 'they are helpful for losing weight' and place 'as far as I know' appropriately.

× So for example, when I have a lunch or dinner and then I I think I must go to work around.

✓ For example, when I have lunch or dinner, I think I must go for a walk around the park afterwards.

원문은 어색한 어순과 불필요한 단어('the' before lunch is optional) 그리고 'go to work around' 같은 문장 구조 오류가 있습니다. 'work around'는 공원을 걷는 의미와 맞지 않습니다. 문맥상 'walk around the park'가 적절합니다. Suggestion: Use natural collocations: 'have lunch or dinner', 'go for a walk around the park', and avoid duplicated words.

× So the best place to work is park for me.

✓ So the best place to walk is the park for me.

'work'는 아마 'walk'의 오타로 보입니다. 또한 'is park'는 관사 누락입니다. 'the park'처럼 특정 장소에는 관사가 필요합니다. Suggestion: Correct the verb to 'walk' and use 'the park' with the definite article.

× Yes, I like to more. I like to see more parks in my city.

✓ Yes, I would like more. I would like to see more parks in my city.

'I like to more'는 어색한 표현입니다. 미래 희망을 표현하려면 'I would like'를 사용하고 'more parks'는 복수형이 맞습니다. Suggestion: Use 'I would like more' or 'I would like to see more parks'.

× I'm living in Xinjiang right now and Xinjiang is full of buildings and I think they'll there is not enough park to walk around.

✓ I'm living in Xinjiang right now, and Xinjiang is full of buildings, and I think there are not enough parks to walk around.

'they'll there is'는 말이 맞지 않으며 관사·수 일치 오류가 있습니다. 'not enough park'는 복수인 'parks'가 필요합니다. 'there is' 대신 복수 주어에는 'there are'를 사용해야 합니다. Suggestion: Use 'there are not enough parks' and ensure plural agreement.

× So I prefer, as I said, I prefer working around park.

✓ So I prefer, as I said, working around the park.

'working around park'에는 관사 'the'가 필요합니다. 반복된 'I prefer'를 줄여 문장을 자연스럽게 만들 수 있습니다. Suggestion: Use 'working around the park' and avoid unnecessary repetition.

× So I hope there's more parking. Around my city.

✓ So I hope there are more parks around my city.

'more parking'는 주차공간을 의미하므로 문맥(공원)에 맞지 않습니다. 또한 문장이 나뉘어 있고 'there's'는 단수형 표현이므로 복수인 'parks'에는 'there are'를 사용해야 합니다. Suggestion: Use 'there are more parks around my city' as a single sentence.

× I don't remember exact name, but the park that I want to go in the future is the park in the UK, especially the park where the Queen of UK live is living because I'm I'm going to study abroad in the UK and.

✓ I don't remember the exact name, but the park I want to go to in the future is a park in the UK, especially the park where the Queen of the UK lives, because I'm going to study abroad in the UK.

몇 가지 시제와 관사 오류가 있습니다. 'don't remember exact name'에는 'the exact name'가 필요하고 'want to go in the future'는 'want to go to in the future'가 자연스럽습니다. 'where the Queen of UK live is living'은 중복되고 동사 형태가 잘못되었습니다; 현재 일반적 사실로 'lives'가 맞습니다. Suggestion: Use 'the exact name', 'go to in the future', and 'where the Queen of the UK lives'.

× Park is the famous, the most famous park in the UK as I know, so I want to go to park that park in the future.

✓ That park is famous, maybe one of the most famous parks in the UK as far as I know, so I want to go to that park in the future.

'Park is the famous, the most famous'는 중복되고 어색한 수식어 순서입니다. 'as I know'는 'as far as I know'가 더 자연스럽고 'go to park that park'는 중복입니다. Suggestion: Use clear modifiers like 'one of the most famous' and 'as far as I know', and avoid repeating 'park'.