Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장이 자연스럽지 않고 문법 오류와 어순 문제가 있습니다. 또한 응답이 모순적(‘didn't prefer’와 마지막의 ‘So yes’)이며 불필요한 반복(‘like’)이 많습니다. 개선을 위해서는 명확한 주제문으로 시작하고, 간단한 이유와 구체적 예를 1~2문장으로 덧붙이세요. 연결어(for example, because)를 사용해 논리를 분명히 하고, 최대 5문장 이내로 유지하세요.

例: I didn’t really like going to parks as a child because I preferred playgrounds where I could play sports with my friends. For example, we often climbed on the jungle gym and played tag, which felt more exciting than sitting on a picnic blanket.

提案: 대체로 의사 전달은 되지만, 어색한 전치사/동사구와 반복(‘like’, ‘uh’, ‘you know’)이 있습니다. 문장을 간결하게 정리하고 연결어(so, because, which)를 사용해 이유와 결과를 자연스럽게 연결하세요. 구체적인 활동(얼마나 자주, 어느 시간대)을 덧붙이면 더 좋습니다.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because I often jog there with my mother in the early morning. Jogging helps clear my mind and reduce stress, so visiting the park has become part of my daily routine.

提案: 응답이 자신의 선호를 전달하지만, 반복과 말더듬(‘which is which is’, ‘you know’)이 있고 어휘 선택(‘joke’ 오용)이 부정확합니다. 간결한 구조로 주제문+이유+구체적 예 순으로 말하세요. 잘못된 단어는 정확한 표현(‘jog’)으로 고치고, 장소 설명을 구체적으로 추가하세요.

例: I prefer visiting the park near my home, called the Han River park, because it’s comfortable and familiar. I know the walking and jogging routes there, so I can exercise without worrying about getting lost.

提案: 반복(‘comfortable’ 여러 번), 불명확한 공백(‘Soul SU soul’)과 불필요한 ‘uh’가 많아 명확성이 떨어집니다. 목적을 명확히 하고 방문 이유를 구체적으로 설명하세요(어떤 활동을 하고 싶은지, 언제 갈 계획인지). 더 다양한 형용사를 사용해 풍부한 어휘를 보여주세요.

例: I would like to visit Seoul Forest Park because it has peaceful trails and a relaxing atmosphere. I’m looking forward to walking among the trees and maybe having a quiet picnic there on a weekend.

× Well when I was child I actually didn't prefer to go on a park or any like picnic because that time like I prefer more to go on a playground and play with my friends. So yes.

✓ Well, when I was a child I actually didn't prefer to go to a park or have a picnic because at that time I preferred to go to a playground and play with my friends.

'a child' requires the indefinite article 'a'. Use 'go to a park' (not 'go on a park') and 'have a picnic' (not 'on a picnic'). 'that time' should be 'at that time'. Use past tense 'preferred' to match 'didn't prefer'. Use 'prefer to go to a playground' rather than 'go on a playground'. Suggestions: add articles where needed, use correct prepositions (to, at), and keep past tense consistent.

× Oh, nowadays I spend a lot of time to go on a park because I love to, uh, do jogging or like running with my mom.

✓ Oh, nowadays I spend a lot of time going to a park because I love jogging or running with my mom.

Use verb + -ing after 'spend time' ('spend time going'). Use 'going to a park' not 'go on a park'. 'do jogging' is incorrect; use 'jogging' or 'go jogging'. Keep present habitual tense: 'spend' + gerund. Suggestions: after 'spend time' use gerund; use correct collocations 'go to a park', 'go jogging'.

× And if I go in the park, I could get rid of a lot of like thinkings, too much thinking.

✓ And if I go to the park, I can get rid of a lot of thoughts and too much thinking.

Use 'go to the park' (correct preposition and article). 'Could' suggests past or conditional; for general truth use 'can'. 'Thinkings' is not a countable noun; use 'thoughts' or 'thinking'. Suggestions: use 'can' for ability in present, 'thoughts' instead of 'thinkings', and correct preposition 'to'.

× So this will be a very good idea to, you know, get rid of stress.

✓ So this is a very good way to relieve stress.

'A very good idea to get rid of stress' is awkward; 'a good way to relieve stress' is natural. Use present 'is' for general statement rather than future 'will be'. Suggestions: use natural collocations like 'relieve stress' and choose present tense for general facts.

× Well, I prefer to just stay in one park which is near to my home, which is which is called Han River.

✓ Well, I prefer to just stay in one park near my home, which is called Han River.

Remove unnecessary 'to' after 'near' ('near my home' not 'near to my home' in this register). Remove duplicate 'which is'. Keep article usage: 'one park' is fine; 'which is called Han River' correctly identifies it. Suggestions: avoid redundant phrases and duplicate words.

× And I think this is the most, this is the place that is most comfortable for me because I know the path where I should, you know, joke or like walk through it.

✓ And I think this is the most comfortable place for me because I know the path where I can jog or walk.

Remove repeated fragments ('this is the most, this is the place that is most'). Use 'most comfortable place' as the natural order. 'joke' is a spelling mistake for 'jog'. 'where I should... walk through it' is awkward; use 'where I can jog or walk'. Suggestions: avoid repetition, correct word choice ('jog'), and simplify relative clauses.

× Well, I would like to say some, uh, Soul SU soul Forest Park because, uh, if I go here, there is a vibe that is very comfortable and, uh, very calm and it is very comfortable.

✓ Well, I would like to visit Seoul Forest Park because when I go there it has a very comfortable and calm atmosphere and it is very convenient to go to.

Use 'visit' rather than 'say' to express wanting to go. Correct name 'Seoul Forest Park'. Use 'when I go there' and 'it has a comfortable and calm atmosphere' for natural phrasing. 'it is very convenient to go' should be 'it is very convenient to get to' or 'to go to'. Avoid repeating 'very comfortable'. Suggestions: use correct place names, appropriate verbs ('visit'), avoid repetition, and use natural collocations like 'calm atmosphere' and 'convenient to get to'.