Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce tense errors and avoid redundancy. Use past tense consistently and one concise topic sentence followed by specific supporting detail. Use a linking word to connect ideas (e.g., "because" or "so").

例: Yes, I loved going to the park with my parents when I was a child because the playground and open spaces let me run freely. I often made friends with other children there, so we played games together every afternoon.

提案: Eliminate hesitations and repeated words; correct grammar and pronoun use. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two precise reasons using linking words (e.g., "because", "so").

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. Now that I have a child, my husband and I often take them there because it is a healthy way to get fresh air and spend quality time together.

提案: Organize the answer with a clear topic sentence and coherent supporting details. Reduce hesitations and fix grammar (e.g., "parks" not "parked"). Provide specific reasons and one or two concrete suggestions (trees, playgrounds, locations).

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because many streets are busy and the air is polluted. More parks with trees and safe play areas for children would improve air quality and give families a place to relax.

提案: Avoid fillers and speak in complete clear sentences. Use future tense correctly and give specific examples of parks or features you want to see. Use linking words to connect reasons (e.g., "because", "and").

例: Yes, I am planning a trip to Japan this December because I want to visit famous parks like Shinjuku Gyoen and Ueno Park. They are known for their wide open spaces and many trees, which I think will be very relaxing.

× I love going to the park with my parents when I was a child.

✓ I loved going to the park with my parents when I was a child.

The sentence mixes present tense 'I love' with a past time reference 'when I was a child'. Use past tense 'loved' to match the past time setting. Suggestion: use past tense for habits in the past (I loved going...).

× The playground and the open space give me a lot of freedom to run around.

✓ The playground and the open space gave me a lot of freedom to run around.

The student refers to childhood (past). The verb 'give' should be in past tense 'gave' to agree with the past time frame. Suggestion: match verb tense to the time reference (past).

× Also, there were many children at my age, so I often make friends and play games with them.

✓ Also, there were many children my age, so I often made friends and played games with them.

Multiple issues: 'at my age' is unnatural; use 'my age'. The time frame is past, so verbs should be past tense: 'made' and 'played'. Suggestion: use 'my age' and past tense for past habitual actions.

× Yes, I still enjoy going to the parks.

✓ Yes, I still enjoy going to parks.

Article use: plural 'parks' usually does not need 'the' here unless talking about specific parks. Use present tense 'enjoy' is correct; remove 'the' for general meaning. Suggestion: say 'going to parks' for general habit.

× This one's up my our our fam family favorite activities.

✓ It is one of our family's favorite activities.

Original is disfluent and ungrammatical. Correct structure: 'one of our family's favorite activities.' Use possessive 'family's' and reorder. Suggestion: use clear subject and possessive noun phrases.

× Now that I have a child, my husband and I take our child to the park to play and get some fresh air, so it's a great way to relax and spend quality time together.

✓ Now that I have a child, my husband and I take our child to the park to play and get some fresh air, so it is a great way to relax and spend quality time together.

This sentence is largely correct; change contraction 'it's' to 'it is' optional. Tense and structure are appropriate for a present habitual action. Suggestion: keep present simple for habits. (Minor: could replace 'our child' with 'our child/our son/daughter' for naturalness.)

× Yes this is my wish in my city a lot of motorbike and the air was is polluted so I would I would love to have more parked uh for children's and also a lot of trees umm for refreshing.

✓ Yes, I wish there were more parks in my city because there are a lot of motorbikes and the air is polluted, so I would love to have more parks for children and also many trees to make the air fresher.

Multiple problems: word order, article use, verb tenses, and vocabulary. Use 'I wish there were' for a desire about current situation (there be issue/past-subjunctive), 'motorbikes' plural, 'the air is polluted' present, 'more parks' instead of 'parked', 'for children' correct plural, and 'many trees to make the air fresher' for clarity. Suggestion: break into clauses with appropriate verbs and correct nouns.

× I planned a trip for Japan in this December umm, I was to visit a lot of parks in Japan because they are very beautiful umm, they have a lot of umm space umm trees umm very near with the natures.

✓ I am planning a trip to Japan this December; I want to visit many parks there because they are very beautiful and have a lot of space and trees and are close to nature.

Tense and phrasing need correction: 'planned' suggests past; for future intention use 'I am planning' or 'I plan'. Use 'to Japan' not 'for Japan', 'this December' correct, 'I want to visit many parks' natural, 'close to nature' instead of 'very near with the natures'. Suggestion: use 'plan/am planning' for upcoming trips and collocations 'close to nature' and 'a lot of space'.