Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and grammatically correct: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Use past tense consistently and avoid repetition. Use linking phrase to connect ideas (e.g., 'because' or 'and').

例: Yes, I loved going to parks when I was a child because they were my favourite place to play. For example, I enjoyed climbing on the swings and slides and imagining adventures with my friends, which helped me relax and have fun.

提案: Use correct grammar and clearer vocabulary. Begin with a direct statement, then give two specific reasons linked with connectors (e.g., 'because' and 'and'). Use singular/plural consistency and correct verb forms.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because the greenery motivates me and improves my mood. Also, I often meet friends there and we talk or exercise together, which helps me relax and clear my mind.

提案: Give a concise opinion then explain with specific reasons and avoid redundant phrases. Use clearer adjectives (small, sparsely populated) and one linking phrase to support your point.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because it is rather small and sparsely populated, so current green spaces are limited. More parks would provide places for families to exercise and relax.

提案: Be specific and fluent: state the park name, describe one or two attractions with reasons, and finish with a clear time reference. Use linking words like 'for example' or 'because'.

例: Yes, I want to visit Mary Palace Park, which is nearby. For example, it has many statues commemorating freedom fighters, and I would like to see them and learn about their history when I visit next week.

× Yes, I like going to park when I was a child because it is the childhood dream to go to park and play the play with the things and the doors to relax mind and it's good.

✓ Yes, I liked going to the park when I was a child because it was a childhood dream to go to the park, play with the toys and swings to relax my mind, and it was enjoyable.

Mixed tense and article errors: 'like' should be past tense 'liked' to match 'when I was a child'. Missing definite article before 'park' and 'the park'. 'the childhood dream' changed to 'a childhood dream' for natural expression. 'play the play with the things and the doors' is unclear; likely 'play with the toys and swings' is intended. 'relax mind' requires possessive 'my mind'. Split into clearer clauses and consistent past tense.

× Yes, I still like going to parks now because it help in motivating me by seeing the greeneries around and making friends in parts help to relax and share the thoughts with others and.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks now because they help motivate me by allowing me to see the greenery around; making friends in parks helps me relax and share my thoughts with others.

Subject-verb agreement and noun choice errors: 'it help' should be 'they help' because 'parks' is plural (third person plural). 'greeneries' is incorrect; use 'greenery' (uncountable). 'making friends in parts' should be 'parks'. Added 'me' after 'help motivate' and 'my' for 'my thoughts'. Removed redundant trailing 'and'.

× Yeah, I like to see more parks in our city, but our city is very short and small and the population is very less. So there are less parks in our city, but I like to see more parks. I have a wish.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in our city, but our city is very small and the population is low. So there are fewer parks in our city, and I would like to see more parks. I have a wish.

Word choice and quantifier errors: 'short and small' - 'short' is inappropriate for a city; use 'small'. 'the population is very less' is incorrect; use 'the population is low'. Use 'fewer' (countable noun 'parks') instead of 'less'. Replaced 'Yeah' with 'Yes' and smoothed repetition. 'I have a wish' is acceptable but could be 'I hope so' for naturalness.

× Yes there are many parks I I want to visit in future like there is Mary Palace park around us that help.

✓ Yes, there are many parks I want to visit in the future, for example Mary Palace Park near us that is interesting.

Run-on and 'there is' usage: Added punctuation and articles. 'in future' requires 'in the future'. Removed duplicated 'I'. 'around us' replaced with 'near us'. 'that help' unclear; likely needs verb agreeing with 'Park' singular: 'that is interesting' or 'that has features that help' depending on meaning.

× There are many statues that tell us about freedom fighters and I hope I can visit this park next week.

✓ There are many statues that tell us about freedom fighters, and I hope I can visit this park next week.

Minor punctuation: added comma before conjunction for clarity. Tenses are acceptable: present description of statues and future hope 'I hope I can visit' is fine.