Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Clarify and correct grammar, avoid repetition and filler words, and use specific, relevant vocabulary. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two supporting details using linking words. Keep it under five sentences.

例: Yes — I loved going to parks as a child because they were fun places to run around and play with my friends. For example, I usually spent weekend afternoons having small picnics with my parents and playing on the swings, so we visited the park almost every week.

提案: Fix word choice errors (e.g., 'dreadful' → 'a good form of') and streamline sentences. Use linking words to connect ideas and give one clear frequency and purpose.

例: Yes, I still enjoy visiting parks because they are peaceful and a good form of exercise, so I usually go once or twice a week to take a short walk after work. Moreover, these visits help me relax, get fresh air, and clear my mind.

提案: Provide a complete, grammatical sentence and avoid fillers. State your opinion clearly, then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Use correct structure and vocabulary.

例: Absolutely — I would like to see more parks in my city because there are currently few green spaces. As a result, people have fewer places to relax after work, get fresh air, or reduce stress.

提案: Be specific and correct vocabulary (e.g., 'tomorrow' not 'next tomorrow'; 'friends' not 'brands'; 'short hike' not 'shark hike'). State one plan and add clear activities. Keep it concise and natural.

例: Tomorrow I’d like to visit the National Park near my city because it looks peaceful and has beautiful hiking trails. I plan to go with some friends; we will take a short hike, relax, and take photos of the scenery.

× Yes, I really like going to parks a a drive because they were fun places where I could run around and like play with my friends.

✓ Yes, I really liked going to parks as a child because they were fun places where I could run around and play with my friends.

The sentence mixes present and past incorrectly and uses awkward phrases. The context is about childhood, so use past tense 'liked'. 'a a drive' is wrong and likely meant 'as a child'. Remove filler 'like' before 'play'. Use 'as a child' to indicate the time frame and 'play' without 'like'.

× For example, I often spend weekends on the wings and have small picnics with my parents so I visited the park almost every week.

✓ For example, I often spent weekends on the swings and had small picnics with my parents, so I visited the park almost every week.

The sentence mixes present ('often spend', 'have') with past ('visited'). Keep past tense throughout for childhood routines: 'spent', 'had'. 'wings' is a misspelling of 'swings'. Also add a comma before 'so' for clarity.

× I still enjoy visiting parks because they are peaceful and dreadful exercise, so I usually go once or twice a week to talk or take a short walk after work.

✓ I still enjoy visiting parks because they are peaceful and good for exercise, so I usually go once or twice a week to talk or take a short walk after work.

'dreadful' is an incorrect adjective here; likely meant 'good' or 'great' for exercise. Replace with 'good for exercise'. The rest of the sentence is fine in present tense.

× Besides helping me relax and get fresh air, these visits also help clear my mind.

✓ Besides helping me relax and get fresh air, these visits also help me clear my mind.

Missing object 'me' after 'help' makes the sentence sound incomplete. Add 'me' for clarity and correct grammar.

× Absolutely yes. In my city there are not have many umm parks so the the lack of places for people to relax after work or get some fresh air or uh reduce stress.

✓ Absolutely. In my city there are not many parks, so there is a lack of places for people to relax after work, get some fresh air, or reduce stress.

'there are not have' is ungrammatical; use 'there are not many' or 'there are few'. Also 'the the' is a duplication. Use 'there is a lack of' to express the shortage and parallel verbs 'relax', 'get', 'reduce' for consistency.

× Next tomorrow I'd like to visit the National Park near my city because it looks very peaceful and has beautiful hiking trails.

✓ Tomorrow I'd like to visit the national park near my city because it looks very peaceful and has beautiful hiking trails.

'Next tomorrow' is redundant; use 'Tomorrow'. Capitalization: 'national park' as a common noun unless it's the park's official name. The rest correctly uses future intention 'I'd like'.

× I plan to go with some brands.

✓ I plan to go with some friends.

'brands' is a wrong word choice; 'friends' is the correct noun. This is an issue of incorrect word/pronoun selection affecting meaning.

× We'll do a shark hike, relax and jab and take photos of the scenery.

✓ We'll do a short hike, relax, chat, and take photos of the scenery.

Multiple incorrect words: 'shark' and 'jab' are wrong choices. Likely intended 'short hike' and 'chat'. Replace with appropriate verbs and add commas for list clarity.