Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, correct tense and grammar, and add a clear topic sentence plus one or two specific supporting details. Avoid redundancy (e.g., "together with" repeated) and improve sentence forms: use past tense consistently and link ideas with a connector.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks with my grandmother. We usually went to Luneta Park, where she did exercises such as walking and Zumba while I played nearby. It was always a lively, friendly place that I remember fondly.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence. Keep tense consistent (present simple for habits). Use linking words to sequence events and give a specific detail about frequency or a favorite park snack. Avoid small grammar errors (e.g., ‘eat’ → ‘eat’ form after ‘went for’).

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks with my husband and daughter. We often walk, jog or run there, and afterwards we usually have a snack, such as taho from a nearby vendor.

提案: Answer directly to the question (about parks in your city) before mentioning abroad parks. Fix conditional phrasing (use 'If I were given the chance' or 'I would like'). Remove repetitions and use linking words for clarity. Be specific about what you want to see in city parks.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city, especially larger green spaces with playgrounds and picnic areas for families. If travel were possible, I would also love to visit parks abroad in Canada or New Zealand with my family to create new memories.

提案: Good direct answer and a clear specific park. Improve fluency by removing fillers (uh) and use present perfect or present simple when referring to what you have read. Add one more specific reason or detail to enrich the response and link sentences smoothly.

例: Yes — I would love to visit Parque del Retiro in Madrid. I have read many articles saying it is beautiful and offers boating on the lake, which sounds like a peaceful and memorable experience.

× I did enjoy going to the park together with my grandma.

✓ I enjoyed going to the park with my grandma.

Using 'did enjoy' is grammatically correct but unnatural in simple past narrative here; the simple past 'enjoyed' is preferred. Use direct past tense for clear, natural past narration.

× The name of the park that we usually visit was Luneta Park and then when we get there my grandma used to do her physical activities, walking, dancing like Zumba while.

✓ The park we usually visited was Luneta Park, and when we got there my grandma used to do her physical activities, like walking and dancing Zumba.

Mixed tenses: 'usually visit' (present) conflicts with past narrative; use past 'visited'. 'When we get there' should be past 'when we got there'. 'While' is unnecessary. Also improve phrasing: 'walking and dancing Zumba' or 'dancing Zumba' is clearer.

× As of today, yes, we still visit parks together with my daughter and my husband.

✓ As of today, yes, we still visit parks with my daughter and my husband.

The original is understandable but 'together with' is wordy; 'with' is the correct and more natural preposition. Tense 'still visit' is correct for present habit.

× We still do the activities like walking, jogging, running and after that we went for a snack, eat some delicacies like Tahoe.

✓ We still do activities like walking, jogging and running, and after that we go for a snack and eat delicacies like taho.

Mixed tenses: 'We still do' (present) then 'we went' (past) is inconsistent; maintain present 'we go'. Use parallel verb forms 'go for a snack and eat'. 'Tahoe' should be 'taho' (correct noun) and lowercase when not a proper noun.

× If I would be given a chance to see some other parks, I would love to visit parks out of the country like Canada, Australia and New Zealand, so it it would be great to visit with the family and make some new core memories with my daughter and my husband.

✓ If I were given the chance to see other parks, I would love to visit parks in other countries like Canada, Australia and New Zealand; it would be great to visit with my family and make new memories with my daughter and husband.

Conditional 'If I would be given' is incorrect; use subjunctive 'If I were given' for hypothetical situations. 'Out of the country' is better expressed as 'in other countries'. Remove duplicate 'it'. 'Core memories' is unnatural; 'new memories' is clearer. 'With my family' is more natural than 'with the family'.

× If I had the chance to visit a park in the future, I would definitely go to Parque del Retiro in Madrid, Spain.

✓ If I have the chance to visit a park in the future, I will definitely go to Parque del Retiro in Madrid, Spain.

Mixed conditional: for a future possibility, use first conditional 'If I have the chance... I will...'. The original used past conditional 'If I had... I would' which implies an unreal present; since question asks about future intention, use present simple + will.

× I used to read in some newspapers and magazines that, uh, their park is very nice for boating experiences.

✓ I have read in some newspapers and magazines that their park is very nice for boating.

'Used to read' suggests a habitual past action but here the speaker refers to past readings relevant now; 'I have read' (present perfect) is better. 'Boating experiences' is wordy; 'boating' suffices. Remove filler 'uh'.