Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: ปรับให้ตอบตรงกับคำถามในอดีตและลดคำซ้ำ ซ้อมใช้ประโยคหัวข้อแล้วเสริมรายละเอียดสั้นๆ โดยหลีกเลี่ยงเสียงเติม (uh) และการพูดซ้ำ เช่น ใช้ past tense เมื่อพูดถึงวัยเด็ก และกล่าวเหตุผลอย่างชัดเจน 1–2 ประโยคเท่านั้น

例: Yes, I did. As a child I often went to the park near my school with my parents. I enjoyed cycling and playing games there because it kept me active and I could meet my friends.

提案: ตอบให้ชัดเจนและเป็นธรรมชาติ ใช้ tense ที่เหมาะสม ลดคำหยุดชั่วคราว (uh) และหลีกเลี่ยงความไม่แน่นอนเกินไป ระบุความถี่หรือเงื่อนไขสั้นๆ และเชื่อมด้วยคำเชื่อม เช่น 'but' หรือ 'however'

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, but recently I go less often because of heavy homework. If I have time in the evenings or on weekends, I usually go for a short walk or cycle to relax.

提案: เรียงประโยคให้เป็นเหตุผล-ผลลัพธ์ที่ชัดเจน ใช้คำเชื่อมอย่างเหมาะสม เช่น 'because' และ 'so' แสดงความเห็นอย่างตรงไปตรงมาและยกตัวอย่างสั้นๆ หลีกเลี่ยงคำถามย้อนกลับที่ไม่จำเป็น

例: Yes, I would. Because urbanization reduces green space, more parks are needed for people to rest and exercise. For example, a new park near my home would help residents reduce stress and improve health.

提案: ตอบด้วยประโยคหัวข้อที่ชัดเจนแล้วให้รายละเอียดเฉพาะเจาะจง เลี่ยงการพึมพำและการพูดซ้ำ ให้ตัวอย่างที่ชัดว่าคุณอยากทำอะไรที่สวนในอนาคต และใช้คำเชื่อม เช่น 'for example' อย่างเป็นธรรมชาติ

例: Yes, I am excited to visit newly built parks in the future, especially the proposed sky lane in my area. For example, I would like to walk along the elevated path to enjoy city views and take photos with friends.

× Right now I'm studying in the Kandahar school, so whenever I have time after school in the afternoon, I often, uh, go to park with my mum and dad and I love to go to the park because I, I love to exercise and I love to cycle around the park.

✓ Right now I'm studying at Kandahar School, so whenever I have time after school in the afternoon, I often go to the park with my mum and dad, and I love to go to the park because I love to exercise and cycle around it.

The sentence has issues with preposition choice and article use plus redundant filler words. Use 'at' with a school and 'the park' (definite article) when referring to a specific park. Remove repeated fillers ('uh', repeated 'I') for clarity and combine clauses. Maintain present simple/present continuous appropriately: 'I'm studying' (present continuous) and habitual actions use present simple ('I often go', 'I love').

× Yes, I am. I still love to go to park, although I have a lot of homework in the secondary school right now. Uh, so maybe someday even have too much, uh, workload. I'm I would be too lazy to go to exercise.

✓ Yes, I still love to go to the park, although I have a lot of homework at secondary school right now. If I ever have too much workload, I would be too lazy to exercise.

Problems include article use ('the park'), preposition ('at secondary school' or just 'in secondary school'), tense and sentence structure. 'Maybe someday even have too much' is ungrammatical — use a conditional: 'If I ever have too much workload, I would be too lazy to exercise.' Remove fillers and fix word order.

× Due to urbanization and areas would, uh, be occupied by buildings and infrastructures. So personally, I believe that uh, parks if the place where people and also myself to take a break from, uh, tiredness and to do physical exercise. Can he keep you less stressful from work?

✓ Due to urbanization, many areas are being occupied by buildings and infrastructure. Personally, I believe that parks are places where people, including myself, can take a break from tiredness and do physical exercise. They can help reduce stress from work.

Multiple sentence structure problems: incorrect verb forms ('would be occupied'), pluralization and uncountable noun ('infrastructure'), missing verb in clause ('parks are places'), incorrect pronoun and question form ('Can he keep you less stressful from work?'). Use passive progressive 'are being occupied' or simple 'are occupied', correct pluralization and pronouns, and rephrase final idea as a statement: 'They can help reduce stress.'

× Personally, I am really looking forward to the parks that, uh, construct in the future where the, uh, the, where I can take a nice picture of the photos.

✓ Personally, I am really looking forward to the parks that will be constructed in the future where I can take nice photos.

Errors: incorrect verb form 'construct' instead of passive 'will be constructed' and awkward phrase 'take a nice picture of the photos.' Use 'take nice photos' (plural) or 'take a nice photo.' Use future passive to describe planned construction.

× For example, one of them, uh, in my area, uh, is, uh, build the, the sky lane for, for people to, to walk and look in the city.

✓ For example, one of them in my area is the sky lane built for people to walk and enjoy the city view.

Incorrect verb form 'build' should be past participle 'built' in this passive description. Also remove fillers and fix word order: 'sky lane built for people to walk and enjoy the city view' is natural. Using past participle correctly forms the passive modifier of 'sky lane.'