Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Câu trả lời cần rõ ràng hơn, ngắn gọn, và chính xác về ngữ pháp. Tránh câu lủng củng và thông tin không liên quan (ví dụ ‘Texas’ hay ‘aged learners’ không phù hợp). Nên bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề trực tiếp, sau đó nêu 1–2 chi tiết cụ thể (ví dụ hoạt động bạn làm ở công viên, tần suất). Sử dụng liên từ hợp lý để mạch lạc (e.g., “but”, “so”, “because”).

例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child. However, I was often too busy with tests and homework, so I rarely had time to play there. When I did visit parks, I usually went with my family to play games or have a picnic once a month.

提案: Câu trả lời có ý tốt nhưng nhiều chỗ dùng từ sai và cấu trúc lủng củng (ví dụ “refresh air”, “good girls”, “daily flights”). Cần dùng từ chính xác, tách rõ ý và giới hạn trong tối đa 4–5 câu. Thêm một ví dụ cụ thể (khi nào, làm gì) và dùng liên từ để mạch lạc (e.g., “for example”, “because”, “so”).

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax after work and connect with nature. For example, I often walk in a nearby park for 30 minutes in the evenings to clear my mind. My friends and I also have small picnics there during spring and autumn, which brings back fond memories.

提案: Câu trả lời cần tránh từ ngữ không phù hợp và lỗi ngữ pháp (“urban president”, “terrific grades”, word order). Trả lời trực tiếp rồi nêu 1–2 lí do cụ thể vì sao muốn thêm công viên (sức khỏe, giảm ô nhiễm, không gian cho gia đình). Dùng câu ngắn, rõ ràng và từ vựng phù hợp (e.g., “well-maintained parks”, “green spaces”, “reduce pollution”).

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they improve air quality and provide space for exercise. For instance, additional small green areas would make it easier for local people to walk or have family outings without travelling far.

提案: Cần diễn đạt rõ ràng địa điểm và lý do muốn đến (ví dụ tính năng vườn bách thảo, hoạt động muốn làm). Tránh câu rời rạc và từ ngữ không phù hợp (“within a story”, “portrait and sadness”). Giữ 2–4 câu, nêu lý do cụ thể và một ví dụ cho kế hoạch trong tương lai (khi nào, với ai, làm gì).

例: Yes, I would like to visit the university Botanical Garden soon because I have heard it has a large woodland and many rare plants. I plan to go there with close friends next weekend to take photos and enjoy a peaceful walk during autumn.

× I was quite fond of visiting parks as a child, however when I was younger I was always occupied with plenty of tests and homework which made me have to go to actual classes in order to catch up with them.

✓ I was quite fond of visiting parks as a child; however, when I was younger I was always occupied with many tests and homework, so I had to attend extra classes to catch up.

The sentence is a run-on and contains awkward phrasing. Use a semicolon or period before however and add commas to separate clauses. 'Plenty of' is informal here; use 'many'. 'Made me have to go to actual classes' is awkward — use 'so I had to attend extra classes'. Improve cohesion and clarity by splitting clauses. Grammar problem type ID:26

× Aged learners due to peer pressure therefore.

✓ I and my classmates felt pressured by peers, so we often missed outings.

This fragment lacks a main verb and is unclear. Rewriting into a complete sentence with subject and verb fixes the issue. Connect ideas logically (cause and effect) using 'so' or 'therefore'. Grammar problem type ID:23

× I frequently spend most of my time learning from Texas that hardly had time to engage in outdoor activities such as visiting parks.

✓ I frequently spent most of my time studying, so I hardly had time to engage in outdoor activities such as visiting parks.

Tense inconsistency and unclear noun 'Texas' which seems incorrect. Use past tense 'spent' to match 'was a child' context. Remove or correct wrong proper noun; likely intended 'studying'. Ensure subject and verb agree and clauses are connected with 'so'. Grammar problem type ID:6

× I'm particularly fond of visiting parks nowadays.

✓ I'm particularly fond of visiting parks nowadays.

This sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. It matches present preference context. Grammar problem type ID:26

× This allows me to refresh air, immerse myself in nature, as well as unwind and relax after stressful days from work.

✓ This allows me to breathe fresh air, immerse myself in nature, and unwind and relax after stressful days at work.

'Refresh air' is incorrect; use 'breathe fresh air'. Use parallel structure in the list ('and' before last item). 'From work' should be 'at work'. Grammar problem type ID:13

× Particularly, some of the parts were associated with my challenging years as an International University student.

✓ Particularly, some parts of the parks are associated with my challenging years as an international university student.

Awkward noun phrases and capitalization. 'Parts' needs clarification and present association can be expressed with 'are associated'. 'International University' should not be capitalized unless it's a proper noun. Grammar problem type ID:26

× In fact, they were the good girls where I and my close friends accompany.

✓ In fact, those were places where my close friends and I spent time together.

'They' and 'the good girls' are incorrect references; likely meant 'places'. 'I and my close friends' should be 'my close friends and I'. Use 'spent time together' to make verb and meaning clear. Grammar problem type ID:12

× It means through moments of portrait and sadness match up to share story revolving around our daily flights.

✓ It means that during moments of joy and sadness, we would share stories about our daily lives.

'Portrait' is incorrect word choice for 'joy'; 'match up to share story' is ungrammatical. Use 'during moments of joy and sadness' and pluralize 'stories' and use 'about our daily lives' instead of 'daily flights'. Grammar problem type ID:26

× Therefore, they were reminders of our memorable picnics on beautiful days of spring and autumn.

✓ Therefore, they reminded us of our memorable picnics on beautiful spring and autumn days.

Passive 'were reminders of' is acceptable but active 'reminded us of' is clearer. Reorder 'spring and autumn days' for natural phrasing. Grammar problem type ID:26

× Yes, absolutely.

✓ Yes, absolutely.

This short answer is correct and needs no change. Grammar problem type ID:26

× As an urban president, I tend to represent towards clash and well maintained Urban Air gardens with lush greenery, meandering pathways and terrific grades in order to escape the hurdles and pursue of city life.

✓ As a city resident, I would like well-maintained urban parks with lush greenery, meandering pathways, and pleasant areas to escape the challenges of city life.

Many incorrect words and phrases: 'urban president' and 'represent towards clash' are wrong. Replace with 'city resident' and 'would like'. 'Urban Air gardens' unclear—use 'urban parks'. 'Terrific grades' likely 'pleasant areas' or 'green spaces'. Fix infinitive phrases: 'escape the challenges of city life'. Grammar problem type ID:26

× Therefore, I would love to see more parks and green spaces in my city as. Help me to refresh air, immerse myself in nature as well as unwind and relax after stressful days from work.

✓ Therefore, I would love to see more parks and green spaces in my city to help me breathe fresh air, immerse myself in nature, and relax after stressful days at work.

Sentence fragments and wrong connector 'as.' Combine into one sentence expressing purpose ('to help me...'). Use 'breathe fresh air' and 'at work'. Ensure parallel structure in the list. Grammar problem type ID:26

× Yes, there is a Botanical Garden within a story of my university apartment that I would love to visit in the near future.

✓ Yes, there is a botanical garden near my university accommodation that I would love to visit in the near future.

Awkward phrase 'within a story of my university apartment' is incorrect. Use 'near my university accommodation' or 'on the campus'. 'Botanical Garden' should be lowercased unless a proper name. Tense and modal 'would love to visit' is appropriate for future desire. Grammar problem type ID:6

× Particularly its worth the woodland where I and my close friends accompanying me through moments of portrait and sadness, made-up to share stories revolving around our daily flights.

✓ Particularly its lovely woodland is where my close friends and I would spend time together during moments of joy and sadness, sharing stories about our daily lives.

Run-on and incorrect words: 'its worth the woodland', 'accompanying me', 'portrait' and 'daily flights' are wrong. Use correct possessive 'its', reorder phrase 'its lovely woodland', 'my close friends and I', and correct vocabulary to 'joy' and 'daily lives'. Grammar problem type ID:26

× Therefore, it is a reminder of our memorable.

✓ Therefore, it is a reminder of our memorable times.

Sentence ends abruptly with 'memorable.' Add a noun such as 'times' to complete the thought. Grammar problem type ID:23

× On beautiful days of spring and autumn.

✓ On beautiful spring and autumn days.

This fragment should attach to the previous sentence or be rephrased as a complete sentence. Reorder adjectives for natural English word order. Grammar problem type ID:23