Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise: begin with a clear topic sentence, avoid hesitation sounds, use correct articles and plural forms, and add one specific supporting detail. Keep it within 1–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I usually cycled there with my mum on weekend mornings, and we would feed ducks and play on the swings together.

提案: Provide a direct topic sentence, use formal contractions or full forms (I want), and link reasons with a connective. Be specific about what you do at home and keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Not really — I don’t have much free time on weekends, so I prefer relaxing at home. For example, I often watch movies and do short workouts to clear my mind and recharge.

提案: Start with a clear direct answer. Avoid repetition (don’t repeat 'in my hometown'). Use linking words to explain why and give one specific example of a park feature. Correct collocations (e.g., 'theme park' not 'special time').

例: Yes, I would — my hometown has many themed parks, such as a superhero park and a pet park. My favourite is the pet park because it allows people to play with animals and relax in a friendly atmosphere.

提案: Give a clear, complete sentence as the topic, avoid repetition, use precise vocabulary (e.g., 'abroad' instead of 'overseas' OK but fine), and finish your thought—explain why you want to visit with a specific detail. Keep it to 2–3 sentences and avoid trailing off.

例: Yes, I would like to visit parks abroad because they often have different designs and cultural features. For instance, I want to see a Japanese garden for its peaceful layout and distinctive plants, which would be a memorable experience.

× Yes, I went to park on weekends with my parents, especially, uh, with my mom, and I went there with my bicycle.

✓ Yes, I went to the park on weekends with my parents, especially with my mom, and I went there on my bicycle.

Missing definite article before 'park' ('the park') and incorrect preposition for using a bicycle; use 'on my bicycle'. Use of 'especially, uh, with my mom' is fine conversationally but remove filler for clarity.

× No, because I have short time on weekends. I wanna relax my body and clear my mind with mini activities like watching movies or exercise in my home.

✓ No, because I have little time on weekends. I want to relax and clear my mind with small activities like watching movies or exercising at home.

Use 'little time' (quantifier) instead of 'short time'. 'Wanna' is informal; use 'want to'. Parallel structure: 'relax and clear my mind' not 'relax my body and clear my mind' (optional). Use gerund 'exercising' after 'like'. Use preposition 'at home' not 'in my home'.

× Yes, in my hometown we have many parks with special time like Superhero park and movie park and gym park at so many parks in my hometown. But my favorite park is pet park.

✓ Yes, in my hometown we have many parks with themes, like Superhero Park, Movie Park, and Gym Park. But my favorite park is the Pet Park.

Use 'parks with themes' rather than 'special time'. Capitalize names as proper nouns. Use definite article 'the Pet Park'. Avoid repetition 'at so many parks in my hometown'.

× Yes, I wanna go overseas, I wanna see a park because they have good vibes, aesthetic and looks different from my hometown and it is my best experience I think because I have.

✓ Yes, I want to go overseas. I want to see parks because they have good vibes and different aesthetics from my hometown. I think it would be a memorable experience for me.

Replace informal 'wanna' with 'want to'. Use plural 'parks' to match 'they'. Use noun 'aesthetics' and correct adjective order. Original sentence fragment 'it is my best experience I think because I have' is incomplete; replace with 'I think it would be a memorable experience for me' to complete the idea and correct tense and structure.