Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Remove hesitations and repetition, make a clear topic sentence and add one specific supporting detail. Use linking words if needed. Keep it within 3–4 concise sentences and avoid filler sounds like “uh.”

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. My parents often took me to large green areas where I played games with other children and learned to ride a bike. I especially remember the pond where we fed ducks, which made those visits special.

提案: Polish grammar and use smoother linking between ideas. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add two specific activities using linking words such as “for example” or “and.” Avoid awkward phrases like “spare my free time.”

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. For example, I often sit on a bench to observe nature and people, and I also like to read a book while sipping a cup of coffee or tea.

提案: Improve clarity and accuracy: correct grammar, avoid redundancy (“green green”), and use a clear contrast or reason. Provide one concise, specific reason why more parks would help, using linking words like “because” or “since.”

例: Yes, I would. Although there are already many parks—there’s usually one every five minutes when you travel—adding new green spaces would still improve the city’s appearance and provide more peaceful places for people to relax.

提案: Remove filler words and be more specific about why you want to visit. Start with a direct statement and add one or two concrete reasons or planned activities, using linking words like “because” or “so.”

例: Yes, I would love to visit Central Park in New York because I’ve seen it in many films and it looks fascinating. I’d like to walk its famous paths, see the landmarks like Bethesda Fountain, and take some photos there.

× Yes, when I was a child, I spent a lot of time in parks in green areas with my parents.

✓ Yes, when I was a child, I spent a lot of time in parks and green areas with my parents.

The original sentence is mostly correct but awkwardly uses 'in parks in green areas'. This is a sentence structure issue; combining the two prepositional phrases with 'and' clarifies the meaning. Use parallel structure to list places: 'in parks and green areas'. Suggestion: Keep parallel prepositional phrases when listing locations.

× I like sitting on the bench observing nature or people watching.

✓ I like sitting on the bench, observing nature, or watching people.

The original mixes gerund phrases without correct punctuation and repeats 'watching' conceptually. This is an issue with gerund use and adverbial phrase coordination. Add commas and parallel gerunds: 'observing' and 'watching'. Suggestion: Use parallel gerund forms and separate items with commas.

× Or I can also read the book while drinking a cup of coffee or a cup of tea.

✓ I can also read a book while drinking a cup of coffee or tea.

'Read the book' implies a specific book; 'a book' is more natural here. 'Drinking a cup of coffee or a cup of tea' is wordy—use 'coffee or tea'. This is gerund/phrasing and article choice issue (article errors). Suggestion: Use 'a book' for general reference and simplify repetitive phrases.

× Yes, even though my city is crowded by parks and each 5 minutes when you travel you can see them.

✓ Yes, my city has many parks, and you can see one every five minutes when you travel.

'Crowded by parks' is incorrect preposition and phrasing; 'each 5 minutes' is wrong quantifier/phrase. Use 'every five minutes' for frequency and 'has many parks' or 'is full of parks'. This combines preposition and quantifier corrections. Suggestion: Use 'has many' or 'is full of' for abundance and 'every five minutes' for frequency.

× Although new green green areas will improve the view of the city in general.

✓ New green areas would improve the appearance of the city in general.

Sentence begins with 'Although' but lacks a main clause; this creates a sentence fragment. Also 'green green areas' repeats a word. Use a complete sentence and choose appropriate modal 'would' to express hypothetical improvement. 'Appearance' or 'view'—'appearance' fits better. Suggestion: Avoid sentence fragments starting with subordinating conjunctions; ensure a main clause follows, and remove duplicated words.

× Yes, I would like to visit a Central Park in New York.

✓ Yes, I would like to visit Central Park in New York.

The phrase 'a Central Park' incorrectly uses the indefinite article. 'Central Park' is a specific proper noun and requires no article. This is an article error. Suggestion: Use no article before names of unique landmarks: 'visit Central Park'.