Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장 시제와 표현을 정확하게 사용하고, 불필요한 반복을 줄이세요. 예를 들어 과거 경험을 말할 때는 과거형을 일관되게 사용하고, 'rooting' 같은 단어는 문맥에 맞는 단어('roaming' 또는 'running around')로 바꾸세요. 또한 주제문을 간결히 제시한 후 한두 문장으로 구체적 예시(어떤 활동을 했는지, 어떤 감정을 느꼈는지)를 덧붙여 자연스럽게 연결사로 흐름을 만들어 보세요.

例: Yes, I did. As a child I often went to the park to run around and play. I especially enjoyed watching dogs run and play, which always made me feel cheerful.

提案: 문법(관사, 전치사, 시제)과 어휘 선택을 수정하세요. 장소를 말할 때 정확한 지명 사용과 전치사 사용('in Seoul' 또는 'the Hong Kong Park' 등)을 확인하고, 의미가 불분명한 문장('controlled by emotion')은 구체적으로 바꿔 표현하세요. 또한 연결어를 사용해 이유를 명확히 하세요.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I often visit a park near my home in Seoul because it is peaceful and green, and I find walking there very relaxing.

提案: 명확하고 자연스러운 문장 구조를 사용하세요. 명사 복수 및 관사 사용을 확인하고('more parks', 'a new park'), 아이디어를 논리적으로 연결하기 위해 연결사와 구체적 예시(어떤 시설이 필요한지, 어떤 변화가 기대되는지)를 추가하세요.

例: Yes, I would. My hometown, Daegu, has very few green spaces, so I would like more parks. New parks would provide places for exercise and relaxation, and they could also improve air quality and residents' quality of life.

提案: 장소 설명을 할 때 정확한 명사 사용과 문장 간 연결을 명확히 하세요. 혼란스러운 표현('the place and piece of working place pets')는 제거하거나 구체적으로 설명하세요. 또한 이유와 활동(사진 찍기, 산책 등)을 간결히 연결해 주세요.

例: Yes, I want to visit Solar Plant Children's Park. It is a large botanical garden known for its colorful flowers and family-friendly areas, so it would be a perfect place to relax and take photos.

× Yes I did. I love going to the park as a child because it was the place where I could run at, especially watching the dogs rooting and playing, which always made me happy.

✓ Yes, I did. I loved going to the park as a child because it was a place where I could run, especially watching the dogs rooting and playing, which always made me happy.

The speaker refers to childhood, so past tense 'loved' is required instead of present 'love'. Also 'the place' should be 'a place' for natural phrasing, and the preposition 'run at' is incorrect; use simply 'run'. Suggestion: Use past tense for past habits and simplify prepositions.

× Yes, I still enjoy going to park.

✓ Yes, I still enjoy going to the park.

The sentence omits the definite article before 'park'. In English we usually say 'go to the park' when referring to a specific type of place. Add 'the' to make it grammatical.

× I often visit Hong Kong in the Seoul city because it's close to my house and peaceable and green.

✓ I often visit Hong Kong in Seoul because it's close to my house and peaceful and green.

'In the Seoul city' is incorrect; use 'in Seoul' or 'the city of Seoul'. 'Peaceable' is usually used for people or situations; 'peaceful' describes places. Also 'visit Hong Kong in Seoul' is logically odd; if you mean visit a park in Seoul, say that. Ensure place references match reality.

× It's been it's have been relaxed and controlled by emotion.

✓ It has been relaxing and helps me control my emotions.

The original mixes forms ('It's been it's have been') and is ungrammatical. Clarify meaning: if the park makes you feel relaxed and helps you control emotions, use 'has been relaxing' or 'helps me control my emotions'. Keep subject-verb consistent.

× Yes, I would. My hometown Daegu has very few green spaces, so I like to see more park.

✓ Yes, I would. My hometown Daegu has very few green spaces, so I would like to see more parks.

'More park' is incorrect; after 'more' we need plural countable noun 'parks' or 'more green spaces'. Also 'like to see' should be 'would like to see' for politeness/conditional preference.

× New Park would give people places to exercise and energy and relax, and it can improve the city's air quality and people's life quality.

✓ A new park would give people places to exercise, gain energy, and relax, and it can improve the city's air quality and people's quality of life.

'Energy and relax' is awkward; use verbs 'gain energy and relax'. 'Life quality' is unnatural; use the phrase 'quality of life'. Also use article 'a new park' unless referring to a specific named park.

× Yes, I want to visit Solar Plant Children Park in the future.

✓ Yes, I want to visit the Solar Plant Children Park in the future.

If the park has a specific name, use the definite article 'the' before it. This makes the noun phrase sound natural.

× It's a large Botanical Garden famous for its colorful flowers, the place and piece of working place pets.

✓ It's a large botanical garden famous for its colorful flowers, a peaceful place where people can visit with pets.

Capitalization: 'botanical garden' need not be capitalized unless part of a proper name. The original phrase 'the place and piece of working place pets' is ungrammatical and unclear; clarify to 'a peaceful place where people can visit with pets.' Use 'peaceful' rather than 'piece'.

× So I think it would be a perfect place to relax and take photo.

✓ So I think it would be a perfect place to relax and take photos.

Use the plural 'photos' or 'take a photo'. After 'take' the noun should be plural if general. Also maintain gerund/infinitive consistency: 'to relax and take photos' is correct.