Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar and conciseness: start with a clear topic sentence, correct tense and word choice, and avoid redundancy. Replace awkward phrases (e.g. “because of they want”) with correct connectors and reduce unnecessary details. Add one short specific detail to support your answer. Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child. My parents often took me there so I could get more exercise, since I tended to be overweight, and I liked walking on the paths and playing on the playground.

提案: Make the response more natural and grammatical: use correct verb tenses and articles, and divide into two clear sentences (topic + supporting reason). Use linking words like 'however' or 'but' correctly. Add a specific activity you do in the park to enrich the answer.

例: Yes, I still like going to parks. However, I'm very busy with work lately and rarely have free time, but if I get a day off I usually go for a long walk or read on a bench to relax.

提案: Answer directly and correct grammar: use a clear topic sentence and provide 1–2 specific reasons with appropriate linking words. Fix article use and plural/singular (e.g. 'visit parks' or 'a park') and idiomatic phrasing ('refresh my mind' → 'clear my mind').

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide a peaceful atmosphere that helps me relax and clear my mind after a busy day. For example, I enjoy sitting under trees and listening to birds to unwind.

提案: Be concise and use correct prepositions and articles: say 'Aroma Street Park near Brisbane' and avoid repetition. Add a specific reason or activity you want to do there to make the answer more vivid. Use one linking phrase like 'because' correctly.

例: Yes, I would like to visit Aroma Street Park near Brisbane because I’ve heard it has beautiful plantings and large trees. I’m especially keen to see the gardens and take photos of the scenery.

× Yes, I remember my parents like to bring me to the park because of they want me to exercise more as I am obesity when I was a kid so they want me to walk more rather than sitting at home.

✓ Yes, I remember my parents liked to take me to the park because they wanted me to exercise more as I was obese when I was a kid, so they wanted me to walk more rather than sit at home.

Issues: past tense should be used for memories (change like to liked; want to wanted) and stative 'be' uses past form (am -> was). 'Obesity' is a noun; use adjective 'obese'. 'Bring me' is acceptable but 'take me' is more natural from the parents' perspective. 'Because of they want' is incorrect structure; use 'because they wanted'. 'Rather than sitting' is fine but parallel structure with 'walk' prefers base form 'sit'. Suggestion: use past tense consistently, use correct adjective form, and maintain parallel verb forms.

× To be honest I still like to go to the park because of I'm quite busy at work recently so I hardly have a free time to go park, but if I have a few day off I would definitely go for a walk.

✓ To be honest, I still like going to the park, but I've been quite busy at work recently so I hardly have any free time to go to the park; however, if I have a few days off I would definitely go for a walk.

Issues: 'like to go' is acceptable but 'like going' fits continuous context. 'Because of I'm quite busy' is incorrect; use 'but I've been quite busy recently' for recent continuous action. 'A free time' should be 'any free time' (article/quantifier). 'Go park' needs preposition 'to'. 'A few day' should be 'a few days' (plural). Suggestion: use present perfect continuous to indicate recent ongoing busy period, correct articles and plural forms, and include prepositions.

× I definitely like to visit park in my city because of I like the peaceful atmosphere which can help me relax and also help me to refresh my mind after busy day.

✓ I would definitely like to visit parks in my city because I like the peaceful atmosphere, which helps me relax and refresh my mind after a busy day.

Issues: 'like to visit park' needs plural or 'the park' and preposition; use 'visit parks' for general statement. 'Because of I like' is incorrect; use 'because I like'. 'Which can help me relax and also help me to refresh my mind' is wordy and tense/verb form issues; use present simple 'helps me relax and refresh my mind'. 'After busy day' needs article 'a busy day'. Suggestion: use natural connectors, correct article use, and concise parallel verb forms.

× Yes, I really want to go Aroma St. Park which is located next to the Brisbane city. I heard that the park there is quite nice because of the beautiful plants and trees and quite famous.

✓ Yes, I really want to go to Aroma St. Park, which is located next to Brisbane city. I heard that the park is quite nice because of its beautiful plants and trees and is quite famous.

Issues: missing preposition 'to' after 'go'. 'Next to the Brisbane city' is unnatural; use 'next to Brisbane city' or 'near Brisbane'. Second sentence: 'the park there' can be 'the park'; add possessive 'its' for 'beautiful plants and trees'. Also combine clauses correctly: add 'is' before 'quite famous'. Suggestion: include required prepositions, use possessive pronouns where appropriate, and ensure verbs are present.