Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 「different views」に対して「different builds」は不自然なので、views、scenery、buildings など文脈に合う語を使い分けましょう。また、“diabetaries” と “embarrassed us” は意味が通じないため、diaries や cafés の ambience など、意図に合う正確な語を選ぶ必要があります。回答の構成は、最初に好みを明確に述べ、その後に過去と現在の撮影対象を具体的に説明するとよいです。さらに、2文目以降には “so” や “whereas” などのリンク語を使い、文の区切りと主語・動詞の関係を明確にしてください。

例: Yes, I love taking pictures of different views. I used to live in a rural area, so I often photographed historic buildings and countryside landscapes. Now that I live in the city, I usually take photos of street scenes and the atmosphere in cafés because I enjoy capturing everyday urban life.

提案: 最初に “I prefer rural views” と直接答えており、理由も具体的でよいです。ただし、“until winter” は文意が不明確なので、“Even in winter” などに直し、“the stars are especially blight” は “especially bright” としてください。“So” の後の文は、前文とのつながりを保ちながら一文に整理すると、より自然で効果的です。また、“sky gazing” は使えますが、“stargazing” のほうがこの文脈では一般的です。

例: I prefer rural views because I enjoy stargazing. The night sky is much clearer there because it is free from light pollution and tall buildings. As a result, I can see a sky full of stars, and they are especially bright and beautiful even in winter.

提案: 意見、具体例、理由の順番が明確で、内容も十分に具体的です。一方、“views in other countries” より “views in foreign countries” または “scenery in other countries” のほうが自然な場合があります。“pulomenades” は “promenades” に修正し、“because through my construction work” は “because my work in construction has made me interested in...” のように語順を整えましょう。最後にピリオドを付け、理由を独立した自然な文にすると、文法と流暢さが向上します。

例: I prefer views in other countries, especially the architecture and coastal landscapes of Europe. For example, I love visiting historic city centres and seaside promenades. My work in construction has made me interested in how different cultures design buildings and public spaces.

× Now I live in the city so I usually take photos of street scenes, embarrassed us in cafes because I enjoy capturing everyday urban life.

✓ Now I live in the city, so I usually take photos of street scenes and people in cafes because I enjoy capturing everyday urban life.

The phrase 'embarrassed us in cafes' does not function grammatically as a parallel object after 'take photos of.' Use a noun phrase such as 'people in cafes' and connect it to 'street scenes' with 'and.' A comma before 'so' also helps separate the two independent clauses.

× So I can see a sky full of stars until winter the stars are especially blight and beautiful.

✓ So I can see a sky full of stars. In winter, the stars are especially bright and beautiful.

'Until winter' does not express the intended meaning. Use 'in winter' to refer to a season. The original sentence also needs to be divided into two sentences because two complete ideas were joined without suitable punctuation or a conjunction.

× So I can see a sky full of stars until winter the stars are especially blight and beautiful.

✓ So I can see a sky full of stars. In winter, the stars are especially bright and beautiful.

The original sentence contains a run-on structure: 'I can see...' and 'the stars are...' are two independent clauses. Separate them with a period, or join them with an appropriate conjunction. Starting the second sentence with 'In winter' makes the time relationship clear.