Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (e.g., “uh”), and give one or two specific reasons or examples. Use linking words (for example, because) to make your answer coherent.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of different views because they help me preserve memories. For example, I often photograph sunsets and cityscapes so I can look back and remember the places I visited.

提案: Use correct grammar and more precise vocabulary. Begin with a clear statement of preference, then give two specific supporting details using linking words like because and for example. Avoid vague phrases like “a lot of experiences.”

例: I prefer rural areas because they offer quieter, more varied scenery. For example, on country roads I can photograph rolling hills, farms and wildlife, which I rarely see in cities.

提案: Finish your sentences and avoid repetition. Give a clear topic sentence (I prefer views in other countries), then explain why with specific reasons and an example. Use linking words like because and for instance, and conclude the idea in one sentence.

例: I prefer views in other countries because they offer new cultures and landscapes. For instance, visiting Australia let me photograph unique coastlines and wildlife that are very different from what I see in Kenya.

× Yes, from my experience I like taking pictures for memory experience and also for future, uh, memory.

✓ Yes, from my experience I like taking pictures to preserve memories and also for future memories.

The student used 'for memory experience' and 'for future, uh, memory' which are awkward and incorrect preposition and noun choices. Use 'to preserve memories' (infinitive purpose) and the plural 'memories' for general reference. This corrects preposition use and word choice for natural English.

× I prefer rural areas because it got a lot of experiences.

✓ I prefer rural areas because they have a lot of experiences.

The original uses 'it got' which is incorrect for plural 'rural areas' and informal 'got'. 'They have' matches the plural subject and uses the correct present tense verb. This fixes subject-verb agreement and tense/formality.

× I got to see many varieties of things along the roads and along the nature.

✓ I get to see many different things along the roads and in nature.

Using 'I got to see' mixes past tense with a general preference question; present tense 'I get to see' fits. 'Many varieties of things' is wordy; 'many different things' is natural. 'Along the nature' is incorrect preposition use; use 'in nature.' This fixes pronoun/tense and preposition choices for clarity.

× I'm saying I prefer views in a different country, for instance Australia, different from my country Kenya.

✓ I would say I prefer views in a different country, for instance Australia, rather than my country, Kenya.

The phrase 'I'm saying' is unnatural here; 'I would say' or 'I prefer' is better. Use 'rather than my country' to compare correctly. Adding commas around 'Kenya' clarifies the country name. This aligns tense and improves comparative phrasing.

× It gives me a new memory, a new experience and also.

✓ It gives me new memories and new experiences.

The sentence is incomplete and uses singular 'a new memory' awkwardly. Plural 'memories' and 'experiences' suit general statements. Removing the trailing 'and also' completes the thought and fixes preposition/word choice issues.