Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện: Giảm tiếng ừ/à (fillers), tổ chức câu rõ ràng hơn theo cấu trúc chủ đề + chi tiết hỗ trợ, và dùng từ vựng cụ thể hơn. Cụ thể: (1) Mở bằng một câu chủ đề ngắn gọn; (2) Thêm một hoặc hai chi tiết cụ thể (loại chim, góc chụp, cảm xúc); (3) Dùng liên từ hợp lý để nối ý và tránh lặp từ. Luyện phát âm từ hay nhầm và kiểm soát tốc độ nói để mạch lạc.

例: Yes, I enjoy photographing different views. For example, when I visit a park I often take close-up shots of sparrows perched on tree branches, and when I go to my parents’ house I photograph their colorful flower beds from a low angle to capture texture and light.

提案: Cải thiện: Tránh mâu thuẫn trong câu mở (loại bỏ mấy câu như “it has to choose, but I wouldn't”), rút gọn câu chủ đề và phát triển với lý do cụ thể. Dùng từ vựng chính xác (e.g., “skyscrapers”, “cityscape”, “modern atmosphere”) và liên từ để nối ý. Hạn chế lặp từ và sửa ngữ pháp (they will amaze me → they amaze me).

例: I prefer urban views. I enjoy cityscapes with skyscrapers and illuminated streets because they showcase modern architecture and energetic street life, which I find inspiring.

提案: Cải thiện: Giữ câu mở rõ ràng, tránh lặp từ (I I), và chỉnh ngữ pháp/tên riêng (the France → France; the Liberty state → Statue of Liberty). Thêm một lý do cụ thể và một ví dụ ngắn giải thích vì sao bạn thấy những địa điểm nước ngoài hấp dẫn (kiến trúc, lịch sử, quy mô).

例: I prefer views in other countries because they often feature iconic landmarks and diverse landscapes. For instance, I would love to photograph the Eiffel Tower in France for its elegant ironwork and the Statue of Liberty in the United States because of its historical significance and striking silhouette.

× Yes I do umm, I enjoy taking pictures of different views.

✓ Yes, I do. I enjoy taking pictures of different views.

The original sentence lacks necessary punctuation and contains filler sounds; grammatically it's acceptable but needs clearer sentence boundaries. Add a comma after 'Yes' and a period to separate clauses for clarity. Remove filler words (umm) in formal responses.

× Uh, uh, when I go to a park I usually take a picture of the birds uh, on the trees and when I go to my when, when parents house, uh, I usually take the picture of their gardens.

✓ When I go to a park, I usually take pictures of the birds in the trees, and when I go to my parents' house, I usually take pictures of their garden.

Preposition: use 'in the trees' not 'on the trees'. Plural and article: use 'pictures' plural when referring generally. Possessive: 'parents' requires an apostrophe. 'Garden' can be singular or plural depending on context; 'garden' is natural here. Also remove disfluencies and add commas for clarity.

× Well, it has to choose, but I wouldn't. But I prefer views in urban areas.

✓ Well, it's hard to choose, but I prefer views in urban areas.

Original has unclear clause 'it has to choose' and contradictive fragment 'but I wouldn't.' Replace with 'it's hard to choose' to express difficulty deciding, and remove redundant 'but'. Ensure sentence flows logically.

× I like. I like places where there are many tall buildings and and they are they will amaze me because they give me a vibe of modern life.

✓ I like places with many tall buildings; they amaze me because they give off a vibe of modern life.

Pronoun repetition and incorrect tense/modal: 'they are they will amaze me' is redundant. Use 'they amaze me' present simple to state a general fact. Use 'give off a vibe' rather than 'give me a vibe'. Remove duplicated words and combine clauses.

× In my opinion, I prefer views in other countries. It's not like I I don't like the views in my country, but I think there are many more beautiful landscapes in other countries than my own, such as the Eiffel Tower in the France or the Liberty state in in the United.

✓ In my opinion, I prefer views in other countries. It's not that I don't like the views in my country, but I think there are many more beautiful landscapes in other countries than in my own, such as the Eiffel Tower in France or the Statue of Liberty in the United States.

Prepositions and articles: say 'not that I don't' instead of 'not like I I don't'. Compare correctly with 'than in my own'. Use 'the Eiffel Tower in France' not 'in the France'. Correct proper noun 'Statue of Liberty' and 'the United States' for country name. Remove duplicate words and ensure proper capitalization.