Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific reason and an example. Use linking words to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I enjoy photographing different views because they help me preserve memories. For example, when I travel I always take photos of landscapes so I can remember the atmosphere and colours later.

提案: Remove hesitations and repeat phrases. Give a clear preference followed by two concise supporting details linked logically (reason and comparison).

例: I prefer rural views because they are more peaceful and offer wide open scenery. Also, they feel different from my daily urban environment, which makes them more refreshing.

提案: Avoid vague or contradictory phrases. State your preference clearly, then explain specific differences with an example. Use linking words like 'although' or 'however' correctly.

例: I prefer views in other countries because they often feature landscapes and architectures I don't see at home. Although my country is beautiful, for instance, I find coastal cliffs in Country X more dramatic and inspiring.

× Yes, I like taking pictures of different views because I like the view and I appreciate the view and I want to keep a memory of it.

✓ Yes, I like taking pictures of different views because I like the views, I appreciate them, and I want to keep a memory of them.

Repetitive use of 'the view' is awkward and 'view' should be plural when referring to multiple views. Replace repeated noun phrases with pronouns ('them') and use commas and conjunctions to connect clauses smoothly. This improves cohesion and grammatical number agreement.

× I prefer, I prefer the, uh, rural areas because it's so relaxing and the vibe is umm, actually what I'm looking for because it's different from where I am living.

✓ I prefer the rural areas because they are so relaxing and the vibe is actually what I'm looking for since it's different from where I live.

Use plural pronoun 'they' to refer to 'rural areas' (subject-verb agreement) and plural verb 'are'. Avoid filler hesitation words. 'Where I am living' is wordy; present simple 'where I live' is more natural for habits or general states. Use 'since' or 'because' for clarity. Maintain present tense consistency.

× I prefer the views in other countries, even though the views here are very quite beautiful also, but on the other countries it's very different and it's very comparable to our country.

✓ I prefer the views in other countries. Even though the views here are quite beautiful, in other countries they are very different and not easily comparable to those in our country.

Avoid redundant connectors: combine sentences properly and remove both 'even though' and 'but' together. 'Very quite' is incorrect; use 'quite' or 'very'. Use 'in other countries' rather than 'on the other countries'. Use plural pronoun 'they' to refer to 'views' and 'those' to compare specific views. Clarify comparison by saying 'not easily comparable to those in our country.'