Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce hesitations and repetitions, make a clear topic sentence, and add one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Keep answers concise (max 5 sentences) and avoid fillers like “uh.”

例: Yes, I enjoy photographing views when I travel. For example, on trekking trips I often capture rolling mountains and dense forests because they remind me of the scale and silence of the place. I also take close-up shots of wildflowers to preserve small details.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence, avoid repeated phrases, and use linking words to compare (e.g., “on the other hand,” “however”). Add one specific example to support the preference statement.

例: I like photographing both urban and rural views, depending on my mood. For instance, in the city I focus on modern skyscrapers and reflective glass facades, while in the countryside I prefer calm scenes like misty fields and winding country roads.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence, avoid awkward phrasing, and include specific reasons with one concrete example. Use linking words like “because” or “for example” correctly and avoid repeating “love/take.”

例: I prefer views abroad because I enjoy discovering unfamiliar architecture and cultural details. For example, photographing European cathedrals allows me to study gothic ornamentation and learn about local history, which broadens my perspective.

× Photography is a relaxing hobby for me and it helps me preserve the special memories, uh, that I can look back to, for example, or when I go on a trekking trip, I always take picture of the beautiful landscape, the rolling mountains, uh, the forest or.

✓ Photography is a relaxing hobby for me, and it helps me preserve special memories that I can look back on. For example, when I go on a trekking trip, I always take pictures of the beautiful landscape: the rolling mountains, the forest, and so on.

The phrase 'look back to' is incorrect; the correct phrasal verb is 'look back on' and the verb 'take picture' requires plural 'pictures' when referring to more than one. Also the original sentence was run-on and lacked necessary articles and conjunction punctuation; breaking into two sentences and adding commas improves clarity. Suggestion: use 'look back on' and 'take pictures', and separate ideas into shorter sentences. (Grammar problem type ID: 9)

× I like taking pictures in both the city and in the countryside, uh, for example, it, it really depends on my mood and for example, when I'm in the city, I like taking pictures of, of the modern buildings or skyscrapers, while in the countryside I like a peaceful scenery and, uh, natural landscapes.

✓ I like taking pictures both in the city and in the countryside; it really depends on my mood. For example, when I'm in the city, I like taking pictures of modern buildings or skyscrapers, while in the countryside I prefer peaceful scenery and natural landscapes.

Redundant 'in' is acceptable but awkward; main issue was preposition and article use with 'scenery' (uncountable, so 'a peaceful scenery' is incorrect) and unnecessary repetition of 'for example'. Use 'prefer peaceful scenery' without 'a'. Also remove duplicated filler words and smooth preposition placement. (Grammar problem type ID: 11)

× I prefer the views abroad because I like to observe the new architecture that are unfamiliar to me.

✓ I prefer views abroad because I like to observe new architecture that is unfamiliar to me.

'The views abroad' is unnecessarily specific; 'views abroad' is more natural. 'Architecture' is an uncountable noun treated as singular, so it takes 'is' not 'are'. Also 'the new architecture' can be simplified to 'new architecture'. (Grammar problem type ID: 12)

× Also, I love to learn about the new cultures, for example, when I love taking the photos of European cathedrals because it gives me a broader perspective of European culture.

✓ Also, I love learning about new cultures. For example, I enjoy taking photos of European cathedrals because they give me a broader perspective of European culture.

The original sentence is confusing and contains tense/pronoun issues: 'when I love taking' is incorrect structure; better to use two sentences. 'Photos' is plural, so the relative pronoun referencing them should be 'they' giving plural agreement. Use 'love learning' or 'enjoy taking photos'. This corrects pronoun agreement and clarifies meaning. (Grammar problem type ID: 12)

× when I go on a trekking trip, I always take picture of the beautiful landscape, the rolling mountains, uh, the forest or.

✓ When I go on a trekking trip, I always take pictures of the beautiful landscape, the rolling mountains, the forest, and so on.

'Take picture' is singular but the context implies taking multiple photos; use plural 'pictures'. Also finish the list with 'and so on' or similar instead of 'or'. Ensure capitalization at sentence start. (Grammar problem type ID: 1)