Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and specific. Start with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, avoid odd word choices (e.g., “divine birds”) and redundant phrasing (“remember the memory to see the photo”). Use one or two supporting details and a brief example. Also correct grammar (use present simple, articles) and reduce hesitation or repetition.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking photos of different views, especially landscapes and interesting architecture. For example, when I visit the UMM tourist site I take pictures so I can remember the layout and share the scenery with friends.

提案: Answer directly and use concise reasons with linking words. Replace fillers with clear language and correct grammar (e.g., “I get excited” not “I excite”). Limit to two or three supporting details and use linking words like “because” or “also.”

例: I prefer views in urban areas because they offer a variety of attractions. For example, cities have shops, restaurants and amusement parks, so I enjoy the lively atmosphere and diverse scenes.

提案: Give a direct, grammatically correct statement and explain with specific reasons. Avoid incomplete sentences and vague phrases. Use linking words to connect reason and example, and be specific about what kinds of views you mean (buildings, landscapes, culture).

例: I prefer views in other countries because I like seeing different architectural styles and cultural scenes. For example, visiting historic European cities exposes me to unique buildings and street layouts I don't see at home.

× Yes, I like taking pictures of divine birds.

✓ Yes, I like taking pictures of divine birds.

No grammatical change required for pronoun use here; however, 'divine birds' may be a word choice issue (semantic), not covered by the provided list. Keep as is unless you mean 'rare' or 'beautiful' birds.

× It's because I can remember the memory to see the photo.

✓ It's because looking at the photo helps me remember the moment.

Original sentence is awkward and ungrammatical (sentence structure error). The phrase 'remember the memory' is redundant and 'to see the photo' is incorrectly linked. Use a clear subject and verb: 'looking at the photo helps me remember the moment.' This makes meaning precise and grammatically correct.

× For example, I can remind the UMM views of tourist site.

✓ For example, the photos remind me of the UMM tourist site views.

Incorrect verb usage and word order cause a sentence structure error. 'I can remind the UMM views' is wrong because 'remind' requires an object who is reminded. Recast so the photos are the subject that 'remind me' and place modifiers in correct order.

× I prefer beauty in urban areas.

✓ I prefer urban views.

'Prefer beauty in urban areas' is awkward; the adjective/adverb use and noun choice cause unnatural phrasing. Use 'prefer urban views' or 'I prefer the beauty of urban areas' to be grammatically and idiomatically correct.

× It's because, umm, there are many shops, restaurants, uh, amusement parks in the in urban areas.

✓ It's because there are many shops, restaurants, and amusement parks in urban areas.

Redundant 'the' before 'in urban areas' and missing conjunction 'and'. Remove the extra article and add 'and' to list items. Also remove filler words for clarity.

× So if I see the views of other areas, I excite, I'm excited.

✓ So if I see views from other areas, I get excited.

'I excite' is incorrect: the correct intransitive expression is 'I get excited' or 'I'm excited.' Also 'the views of other areas' is better as 'views from other areas.' This fixes subject-verb usage and idiomatic expression.

× I prefer building other countries.

✓ I prefer buildings in other countries.

Word order and noun form are incorrect. Use plural 'buildings' and specify location with 'in other countries.' This makes the meaning clear and grammatically correct.

× It's because umm, if I see the views in other countries, umm. Many views. I.

✓ It's because when I see views in other countries, I find many interesting sights.

Original is fragmented and lacks proper clause linkage (sentence fragments). Combine into a full sentence: 'when I see views in other countries, I find many interesting sights.' This fixes sentence structure and conveys the intended meaning.