Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: ปรับปรุงความชัดเจนและความเป็นธรรมชาติของประโยค เริ่มด้วยประโยคหัวข้อชัดเจน ตัดคำเติม (uh, like) ที่ไม่จำเป็น และใช้รายละเอียดสั้น ๆ เพื่ออธิบายเหตุผล เช่น บอกความรู้สึกหรือกิจกรรมที่ทำแทนการถ่ายรูป รวมทั้งจำกัดความยาวไม่เกิน 5 ประโยคและใช้คำเชื่อมเมื่อให้รายละเอียดเพิ่ม

例: I don't usually take many photos when I travel because I prefer to enjoy the scenery directly. For example, I like to sit by the lake and breathe the fresh air instead of looking through a camera. This helps me remember the trip more vividly.

提案: ปรับโครงสร้างให้ชัดเจนและแก้ความสับสนในคำศัพท์ กล่าวให้ตรงคำถามว่าเลือกชนบทหรือเมือง และให้รายละเอียดที่เป็นเหตุผลเฉพาะเจาะจง ใช้คำเชื่อม (for example, because, however) และหลีกเลี่ยงคำพูดตะกุกตะกักหรือคำที่ไม่เกี่ยวข้อง เช่น ชื่อที่ผิดพลาด

例: I prefer urban views because I enjoy the mix of architecture and riverside parks. For example, city skylines with bridges and promenades feel lively to me, and there are more cafes where I can sit and watch people. In contrast, rural areas sometimes feel too quiet for my taste.

提案: ปรับความชัดเจนและความถูกต้องของคำศัพท์ แสดงหัวข้อชัดเจนว่าชอบวิวต่างประเทศและให้เหตุผลเฉพาะ เช่น ต้องการประสบการณ์ใหม่หรือเห็นสถานที่ธรรมชาติที่ต่างออกไป ใช้ตัวอย่างที่ชัดเจนและเรียงความคิดด้วยคำเชื่อม (because, for example, therefore) และหลีกเลี่ยงการพูดติดอั้น

例: I prefer views in other countries because I want new experiences and scenery I haven't seen before. For example, I'd love to visit Mount Fuji in Japan or see volcanic landscapes, which are very different from the city views at home. Seeing these places would broaden my perspective and be more memorable.

× Uh, for me personally, I don't really take a picture a lot when I go for travelling or something like that because I want to take my time to enjoy the natural, the fresh air, the atmosphere, Yeah.

✓ Uh, for me personally, I don't really take pictures a lot when I go travelling or something like that because I want to take my time to enjoy the natural surroundings, the fresh air and the atmosphere.

Several issues: 'take a picture a lot' uses singular count noun incorrectly with 'a lot' — use plural 'take pictures a lot' (Grammar problem type 1: Singular and plural issue). 'Go for travelling' is incorrect; use 'go travelling' or 'travel' (Grammar problem type 8: Verb + -ing form). 'The natural, the fresh air, the atmosphere' has awkward article use and listing; revise to 'the natural surroundings, the fresh air and the atmosphere' for clarity and correct article usage (Grammar problem type 17: Incorrect use of the definite article and 26: Sentence structure errors). Suggestions: use plural for repeated actions, use 'go travelling' or 'travel', and group nouns coherently with appropriate articles and conjunctions.

× Uh, I prefer a view in urban area such as, uh, the river, the mountain or the, or the clear sky, because in the rural area there's only a building, a car and I think it's not, Ah, Sherman.

✓ Uh, I prefer views in urban areas such as rivers, mountains or clear skies, because in rural areas there are only buildings and cars, and I think it's not appealing.

Problems include preposition and article misuse: use 'in urban areas' and 'in rural areas' for general preference (Grammar problem type 11). 'A view in urban area' should be plural 'views in urban areas' (Grammar problem type 1). 'There's only a building, a car' should be plural 'there are only buildings and cars' to match plural subjects (Grammar problem type 27 Subject-verb agreement and 1). 'Sherman' appears to be an unrelated word or mispronunciation; replace with appropriate adjective like 'appealing' (Grammar problem type 26 Sentence structure errors). Suggestions: use plural forms for general statements, match subject and verb number, and choose correct prepositions 'in' + plural 'areas'.

× Uh, I prefer view in the auto in other country more because, uh, in my country there's nothing I or my maybe I really used to the view in my city. So I want to visit the place outside my country such as Fuji Mountain or the volcanic.

✓ Uh, I prefer views in other countries more because, in my country there's nothing new; maybe I'm really used to the views in my city. So I want to visit places outside my country such as Mount Fuji or volcanoes.

Multiple errors: 'I prefer view in the auto in other country more' is unclear; correct to 'I prefer views in other countries more' (Grammar problem type 1 Singular and plural issue and 11 Incorrect prepositions). 'There's nothing I or my maybe I really used to the view in my city' is ungrammatical; revise to 'there's nothing new; maybe I'm really used to the views in my city' (Grammar problem type 26 Sentence structure errors and 6 Present tense issue). 'visit the place outside my country' should be 'visit places outside my country' (plural) and examples should be 'Mount Fuji' and 'volcanoes' (Grammar problem type 1). Suggestions: use plural 'views/places' for general ideas, simplify sentences, use standard names 'Mount Fuji', and use 'volcanoes' or 'a volcano' depending on meaning.