Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Answer the question directly and use a complete grammatical structure. Say “it is more convenient” rather than “it more convenience,” and use “relaxing music” instead of “the music relaxing my mind.” Avoid incomplete phrases such as “Found my peace in it and.” You can improve the response by adding one specific reason or example and connecting your ideas with “because” or “also.”

例: Yes, I prefer to sit by the window when travelling because it is more convenient and gives me a good view. I can watch the scenery outside while listening to relaxing music, which helps me clear my mind. I also enjoy taking photos during the journey.

提案: Although you answered “Yes, I did,” the rest of the answer is difficult to understand because of incorrect tense, word choice, and sentence structure. Use the past tense consistently, for example, “It was my first trip abroad” instead of “which is my first trip hours that I go to far away.” Organize the answer in this order: when and who you travelled with, where you went, and what you enjoyed. Avoid unfinished phrases and clearly explain why the place was memorable.

例: Yes, I did. When I was 16, I travelled to Japan with my mother, and it was my first trip abroad. We visited Tokyo and Kyoto, and I especially enjoyed Kyoto because of its beautiful temples and peaceful atmosphere. The journey was quite long, but it was a memorable experience for both of us.

× Yes, I prefer to sit by the window when traveling because it more convenience.

✓ Yes, I prefer to sit by the window when traveling because it is more convenient.

Convenience is a noun, but an adjective is needed after the linking verb is to describe the seat or the experience. Use convenient, not convenience, in this sentence.

× I can enjoy the view while listening to the music relaxing my mind.

✓ I can enjoy the view while listening to music, which helps me relax.

The phrase relaxing my mind is not correctly connected to the subject. Using which helps me relax clearly shows that the experience of listening to music makes the speaker feel relaxed. Also, music is usually used without the definite article when speaking generally.

× Found my peace in it and.

✓ I find peace in it.

The original sentence does not have a subject, and the conjunction and is left incomplete. A complete sentence needs a subject and a correctly formed verb: I find peace in it.

× When I was 16 years old, I went to Japan with my mom, which is my first trip hours that I go to far away from my home country.

✓ When I was 16 years old, I went to Japan with my mom. It was my first trip far away from my home country.

The story is about a past event, so use the past-tense verb was instead of is. The phrase I go is also incorrect in this past-time context; restructuring the sentence as It was my first trip far away from my home country makes the meaning clear.

× I went to Tokyo and Nicole what one of my favorite place at there is Nicole because I found it more.

✓ I went to Tokyo and Nikko, which is one of my favorite places, because I found it very peaceful.

The original sentence combines several ideas without the necessary relative pronoun, verb, and punctuation. Use which is to introduce additional information, and use one of my favorite places because one of requires a plural noun. A complete adjective, such as peaceful, is also needed after found it.

× Nikko what one of my favorite place at there is Nikko.

✓ Nikko is one of my favorite places there.

After the expression one of my, the noun must be plural, so place must become places. The phrase at there is unnecessary; use there instead.

× Nikko what one of my favorite place at there is Nikko.

✓ Nikko is one of my favorite places there.

The original sentence incorrectly uses what where a linking structure is needed. The correct structure is Nikko is one of my favorite places there.