Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and coherent: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, correct grammar, and add a short reason with an example. Use linking words (for example, because, so) and keep to under five sentences.

例: Yes, I prefer to sit by the window when travelling because I enjoy watching the scenery. For example, when I take the train I like to watch the countryside go by, which helps me relax and makes the journey more enjoyable.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence, correct grammar (use subject pronouns properly), and finish the thought with specific details (when, who, how long, what you did). Use linking words to add coherence and keep to three or four sentences.

例: Yes, when I was thirteen my brother and I went to Paris with several relatives. We travelled by car and the journey took about ten hours, so we stopped several times along the way. I remember visiting the Eiffel Tower and trying new foods, which made the trip memorable.

× Definitely if I had the chance because I really like watching sceneries sometimes I prefer travelling by train to watch you.

✓ Definitely. If I have the chance, I like sitting by the window because I really enjoy watching the scenery; sometimes I prefer traveling by train to do that.

This sentence has multiple issues (run-on sentence and awkward phrasing) fitting 'Sentence structure errors'. Use correct tense for habitual preference ('I like' not conditional 'if I had' unless hypothetical), break into shorter clauses, use singular uncountable 'scenery' instead of 'sceneries', and replace 'to watch you' (incorrect pronoun) with 'to do that' or 'to watch the scenery'. Also add punctuation and a conditional clause correctly: 'If I have the chance' (present/future possibility) or simply 'I like sitting by the window'.

× Definitely if I had the chance because I really like watching sceneries sometimes I prefer travelling by train to watch you.

✓ Definitely. If I have the chance, I like sitting by the window because I really enjoy watching the scenery; sometimes I prefer traveling by train to do that.

The word 'sceneries' is incorrect; 'scenery' is an uncountable noun and should be singular. Use 'the scenery' or 'scenery' without pluralization. Also 'travelling' can be 'traveling' (American spelling) or kept as 'travelling' (British); choose consistently.

× Definitely if I had the chance because I really like watching sceneries sometimes I prefer travelling by train to watch you.

✓ Definitely. If I have the chance, I like sitting by the window because I really enjoy watching the scenery; sometimes I prefer traveling by train to do that.

The phrase 'to watch you' incorrectly uses the pronoun 'you' where the speaker likely meant 'that' or 'the scenery'. Replace with 'to do that' or 'to watch the scenery' to convey the intended meaning.

× Yes, when I was thirteen years old me and my brother we went to Paris with some of our relatives actually and

✓ Yes. When I was thirteen years old, my brother and I went to Paris with some of our relatives.

The original contains redundant pronouns and an extra 'we' ('me and my brother we') and ends abruptly with 'and'. Also 'me and my brother' is nonstandard; use 'my brother and I'. The past tense 'went' is correct, but sentence structure must be cleaned and concluded properly.

× Yes, when I was thirteen years old me and my brother we went to Paris with some of our relatives actually and

✓ Yes. When I was thirteen years old, my brother and I went to Paris with some of our relatives.

Using 'me and my brother we' duplicates the subject and uses 'me' rather than the subject form 'I'. Use 'my brother and I' as the subject. Remove the trailing conjunction 'and' and the filler 'actually' unless needed; place commas for clarity.