Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện độ chính xác ngữ pháp, loại bỏ lặp từ và làm rõ ý. Nên mở đầu trực tiếp (topic sentence), sau đó đưa 1–2 lý do cụ thể, dùng liên từ để nối câu và dùng từ vựng phù hợp (ví dụ: scenery, take photos, memories). Tránh lặp như “if I if I” và các từ không phù hợp như “genius picture”. Giữ tối đa 3–4 câu ngắn gọn để tự nhiên và hiệu quả.

例: Yes, I usually prefer to sit by the window when I travel. I enjoy looking at the changing scenery because it helps me relax and appreciate the journey. Also, sitting by the window makes it easy to take photos and keep memories of interesting places.

提案: Cần sửa thời gian và logic (câu hỏi hỏi về thời thơ ấu nhưng bạn trả lời “last month”). Trả lời trực tiếp rồi mô tả chi tiết cụ thể: nơi chốn, hoạt động và cảm xúc. Sử dụng cấu trúc câu rõ ràng, tránh lặp từ và lỗi phát âm/viết như “unfor, unforgettable”. Giữ 2–3 câu, dùng liên từ (e.g., and, so, because) để nối ý.

例: Yes, I did when I was a child. My family took a long trip to a coastal town where we stayed by the beach and ate lots of fresh seafood, and I remember feeling very happy. That trip is unforgettable because we spent all day playing on the sand and exploring nearby markets.

× Yes I do. I'm keen on sitting by the window because I prefer to share this beautiful scenery in the way traveling.

✓ Yes, I do. I'm keen on sitting by the window because I prefer to share this beautiful scenery while traveling.

Incorrect use of phrase 'in the way traveling' and awkward collocation. Use the gerund 'traveling' with correct preposition 'while' to indicate simultaneous actions. Also add comma after 'Yes'. Suggestion: use 'while traveling' or 'when I travel'.

× So if I if I see the beautiful picture I can or genius picture I can take photos to memory.

✓ So if I see a beautiful scene, I can take photos to keep the memories.

Sentence is repetitive and ungrammatical ('if I if I', 'or genius picture', 'take photos to memory'). Correct structure: conditional 'if I see' + main clause 'I can take photos'. Use 'a beautiful scene' and 'to keep the memories' or 'to remember'. Remove repetition.

× Yes, of course it was last month.

✓ Yes, of course; it was last month.

Punctuation and clarity: 'it was last month' is acceptable but needs a pause or connector. No tense error but improve punctuation to separate affirming phrase and time reference.

× I fully have a tour to visit Halal way.

✓ I took a tour to visit Halal Way.

Incorrect tense and auxiliary 'have' with 'a tour' is unnatural. Use past simple 'took a tour' for a completed action last month. Also capitalize proper noun 'Halal Way' if it's a place. If meaning 'I had a tour' could be used, but 'took a tour' is more natural.

× We went to the beach and ate many seafood.

✓ We went to the beach and ate a lot of seafood.

'Seafood' is an uncountable noun; 'many' is used with countable nouns. Use 'a lot of' or 'much' (informal preference 'a lot of').

× So it's was a it's was an unfor, unforgettable memory, which for me.

✓ So it was an unforgettable memory for me.

Multiple auxiliary and filler words ('it's was a it's was an', 'unfor,' ) create redundancy and errors. Use simple past 'it was' and 'an unforgettable memory for me'. Remove extra commas and fragments.