Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise: give a clear topic sentence, then one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid unclear or wrong phrases (e.g. “more provided” and “I take photos of you”). Replace them with accurate descriptions like “more private” or “more spacious,” and say who/what you photograph. Aim for 2–4 sentences, correct grammar, and varied vocabulary (e.g. ‘scenery,’ ‘relaxing,’ ‘photograph’).

例: Yes, I usually prefer the window seat when I travel because I can enjoy the scenery and relax. For example, on train journeys I watch the countryside go by and sometimes take photos of interesting landscapes. Also, sitting by the window feels more private and comfortable, so I can read or rest.

提案: Give a direct answer and then add a brief specific reason and one supporting detail. Use correct grammar and clear vocabulary. For example, say ‘No, we rarely had long trips because my parents worked a lot,’ then add an example of the type of short trips you did take. Avoid unclear fragments like “Covent Goent.” Keep it to 2–3 sentences and connect ideas with linking words (e.g. ‘because,’ ‘so,’ ‘however’).

例: No, we didn’t have many long journeys when I were a child because my parents were often busy with work. Instead, we took short weekend trips to nearby parks or relatives’ homes, which I still remember fondly.

× I like sitting by the window when I travel. I enjoy looking at the scenery outside and it feels comfortable and more provided. I take photos of you.

✓ I like sitting by the window when I travel. I enjoy looking at the scenery outside; it feels comfortable and more private. I take photos of it.

The phrase 'more provided' is incorrect because 'provided' is not an adjective that fits this context; likely the student meant 'private' or 'pleasant'. Replacing with 'private' or 'more pleasant' corrects the adjective use. Also 'I take photos of you' is inappropriate here because the speaker is looking at scenery by the window; the correct object is 'it' (the scenery). Suggestion: choose an adjective that fits the intended meaning (private/pleasant) and ensure the object of 'take photos' matches the noun being described. Note: This suggestion targets incorrect adjective/adverb use and incorrect pronoun/object choice; both are corrected while keeping the present habitual tense of the response.

× No, my family did not really travel when I was a child because my parents were busy with work sometimes Covent Goent trip short trip

✓ No, my family did not really travel when I was a child because my parents were sometimes busy with work, so we only went on short trips.

The original sentence has disordered fragments and nonwords ('Covent Goent') and lacks clear connectors. The corrected sentence restores logical sequence, places adverb 'sometimes' before the verb phrase 'were busy', adds a coordinating result 'so', and uses the noun phrase 'short trips' to express the idea. Suggestion: keep time expressions close to verbs ('were sometimes busy'), use conjunctions to link cause and effect ('because... so...'), and avoid stray fragments.