Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organize your response with a clear topic sentence and 1–2 supporting details. Use correct grammar (e.g., verb forms and prepositions), avoid repetition, and use linking words to connect ideas. Also give a specific reason or short example to make the answer more vivid.

例: Yes, I prefer to sit by the window when I travel because I enjoy looking at the scenery and getting fresh air. For example, on train journeys I like watching the countryside pass by, which helps me relax and think quietly.

提案: Start with a direct statement in the past tense, then give 1–2 specific details about the trips. Reduce filler words (uh) and correct subject-verb agreement. Use linking words (for example, because, so) to make the answer coherent and include a short specific memory to make it more engaging.

例: Yes, I often had long journeys with my family when I was a child because my maternal uncle lived in another city. For example, during school holidays we would drive five hours to visit him, and I remember playing games in the car and enjoying the family time together.

× I love to sitting at the at the.

✓ I love sitting at the window.

The structure 'love to sitting' mixes the infinitive marker 'to' with a gerund; after 'love' you can use either the infinitive ('love to sit') or the gerund ('love sitting'), but not 'love to sitting'. Also the fragment repeats 'at the' and lacks the object 'window'. Use 'I love sitting at the window.' to be grammatical and complete.

× I love to sit by a window when I'm traveling because I love fresh air during the travel.

✓ I love to sit by a window when I'm traveling because I love the fresh air during the trip.

Use 'the fresh air' because a specific type of air (fresh air while traveling) is meant; 'during the travel' is unnatural — use 'during the trip' or 'while travelling'. 'Trip' is the correct noun collocation here.

× Also, I love to watch outside view and I'm during the view, I'm just thinking about myself and all that thing.

✓ Also, I love to watch the outside view, and while I'm doing that I'm just thinking about myself and things like that.

Several issues: 'watch outside view' needs the article 'the' and the verb collocation 'watch the view' or 'look at the view'. 'I'm during the view' is ungrammatical; use 'while I'm doing that' or 'while I'm looking'. 'All that thing' should be pluralized to 'things like that'. The corrected sentence fixes prepositions, articles, and word choice.

× So mostly in our, in my holidays, we go with, we go over there with my family members.

✓ So mostly on my holidays we go there with my family members.

Use the preposition 'on' with 'holidays' in this context ('on my holidays') and avoid redundant phrasing. 'Go over there' can be simplified to 'go there'. The plural 'family members' is fine; the correction improves preposition use and removes repetition.

× Yes, I have a long journey with my family when I was a child because, uh, first of all, my maternal uncle, uh, they live far from our house.

✓ Yes, I had long journeys with my family when I was a child because my maternal uncle lived far from our house.

The sentence refers to past events ('when I was a child'), so use past tense 'had' and 'lived' rather than present tense 'have' and 'live'. Also 'a long journey' should be plural if happening repeatedly ('long journeys'), and 'they' is an incorrect pronoun for 'my maternal uncle' (singular).

× So mostly in our, in my holidays, we go with, we go over there with my family members. So I love to travel and also I love to spend time with my family member.

✓ So mostly on my holidays we go there with my family members. I love to travel and I also love to spend time with my family members.

The final clause uses 'family member' (singular) but the meaning is plural — use 'family members'. Also streamline repetition and ensure pronoun consistency. Using 'I also' is clearer.