Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Break your response into shorter, well‑connected sentences. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid run‑on sentences and small grammar mistakes (e.g., “sceneries” → “scenery”, add commas).

例: Yes, I prefer to sit by the window when I travel. For car journeys, I enjoy watching the changing landscape because it helps me relax. On planes, I like observing the clouds and the view below, and sitting by the window also makes me feel less claustrophobic.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence, then add specific details (exact time, destination, purpose) with correct grammar and concise linking words. Avoid repeating phrases and fix articles and possessives (e.g., “a eight hour” → “an eight‑hour”; remove duplicated “my family's my father's”).

例: Yes, I did. When I was about twelve, we took an eight‑hour car ride to Butwal to visit my father's side of the family. Although the journey was a bit uncomfortable because of the long hours, it was bearable and I enjoyed spending time with relatives when we arrived.

× I prefer to sit by the window for cars I love to see the sceneries in the landscape and if I'm in the plane I love to observe the clouds and it also makes me less claustrophobic.

✓ I prefer to sit by the window when travelling by car because I love to see the scenery in the landscape, and when I'm on a plane I love to observe the clouds; it also makes me feel less claustrophobic.

Errors: incorrect preposition 'for cars' should be 'when travelling by car' (preposition use and phrase choice); 'sceneries' is incorrect plural form for landscape views — use 'scenery' (uncountable); 'in the plane' should be 'on a plane' (preposition for modes of transport); run-on sentence lacks proper connectors and punctuation. Suggestion: use correct prepositions for transport ('by car', 'on a plane'), use uncountable noun 'scenery', and break into clauses with conjunctions or punctuation to improve clarity.

× I remember when I was about twelve years old we had a eight hour car ride to Butwan so we could see my family's my father's side of the family.

✓ I remember when I was about twelve years old we had an eight-hour car ride to Butwal to visit my father's side of the family.

Errors: 'a eight hour' should be 'an eight-hour' (article + hyphenated compound adjective before noun and correct article 'an' before vowel sound); 'Butwan' likely misspelling of 'Butwal' (proper noun) though this is not grammatical but may be a typo; phrase 'see my family's my father's side of the family' is redundant and ungrammatical — simplify to 'visit my father's side of the family'. Suggestion: use 'an' before vowel sounds, hyphenate compound adjectives before nouns, and avoid redundant possessive phrases.

× Although it was a bit uncomfortable but it was bearable.

✓ Although it was a bit uncomfortable, it was bearable.

Error: using both 'although' and 'but' together is redundant and ungrammatical; choose one connector. Suggestion: use 'although' with a comma to introduce contrast or use 'but' without 'although' (e.g., 'It was a bit uncomfortable, but it was bearable').