Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Give a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, and add a specific reason or short example. Keep it within 3–4 concise sentences and use linking words (for example, because, so, and) to make it coherent. Also correct small grammar issues: say “sit by the window” and avoid repeating phrases like “while waiting.”

例: Yes, I prefer to sit by the window when I travel because I enjoy watching the scenery go by. For example, on trains I like seeing the countryside change, and on planes I find the view of clouds relaxing. This helps me feel calm and entertained during the journey.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence, use correct tense and word order, and give a specific reason with one supporting detail. Avoid filler words like “yeah” and correct vocabulary (ticket). Use a linking word such as “because” to connect reason and consequence.

例: No, I did not have long journeys with my family when I was a child because travel tickets were too expensive for us. As a result, we mostly stayed near home and took only short day trips to visit relatives.

× Absolutely yes, I prefer to sit nearby the window when travelling because I can't explore the outside while waiting while waiting the flight to travel and sometimes we can relax

✓ Absolutely — yes, I prefer to sit by the window when travelling because I can explore the outside while waiting for the flight, and sometimes we can relax.

Multiple issues: 'nearby the window' is incorrect preposition use; correct is 'by the window' (Grammar Problem Type 11). The phrase 'while waiting while waiting the flight to travel' repeats and misuses structure; correct form is 'while waiting for the flight' which requires the preposition 'for' and removes duplication (Grammar Problem Type 11 and 26). Also missing comma before 'and sometimes we can relax' needed to join independent clauses correctly (Grammar Problem Type 26). Suggestions: use 'by the window'; say 'while waiting for the flight' and remove repeated words; separate clauses with a comma before 'and'.

× during child, I never experienced have a long journey with my family because as you can see the ticket the tikette is very expensive and yeah

✓ When I was a child, I never had a long journey with my family because, as you can see, tickets were very expensive.

Multiple grammar issues: 'during child' is incorrect; use 'When I was a child' for time reference (Grammar Problem Type 26). 'I never experienced have a long journey' mixes verbs incorrectly; correct is 'I never had a long journey' (Grammar Problem Type 26 and 5 for past tense). 'ticket the tikette' is redundant/misspelled; use plural 'tickets' and correct spelling (Grammar Problem Type 1 and 22). 'is very expensive' should match past context 'were very expensive' (Grammar Problem Type 5). Also filler 'and yeah' is informal and should be removed. Suggestions: use 'When I was a child', use simple past 'had' and 'were', use 'tickets' plural, and avoid informal fillers.