Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar, clarity and coherence. Start with a direct topic sentence, correct verb forms and pronouns, remove redundancy, and add a specific reason with a linking word. For example, use correct tense: 'I prefer to sit by the window when I travel.' Then add one clear supporting detail with a linking word such as 'because' or 'so' and keep the answer within 2–3 sentences.

例: I prefer to sit by the window when I travel because I enjoy the view and it helps me relax. For instance, on long bus trips I like watching the countryside pass by, which makes the journey more enjoyable.

提案: Improve past-tense usage, formality and clarity. Answer directly in past tense and avoid colloquial fillers like 'you know' or 'wanna.' Provide a clear reason and, if possible, a brief specific example. Use linking words such as 'because' or 'so' to connect ideas and limit to 1–3 sentences.

例: No, I did not have many long journeys with my family when I was a child because we didn't have enough money. As a result, we usually stayed near our town and took only short day trips on holidays.

× Of course, yes, I prefer to stay there by the window when I traveling because we are see the we, uh, without the window. Also the feeling very happy.

✓ Of course. I prefer to sit by the window when I travel because I can see the view outside the window. It also makes me feel very happy.

Errors and reasons: 1) 'when I traveling' uses incorrect verb form after 'when' — this is a present tense issue; correct form is 'when I travel' (base form for simple present). 2) 'prefer to stay there by the window' — 'stay' is odd here; native phrasing is 'sit by the window' which fits the context. 3) 'we are see the we, uh, without the window' is ungrammatical and unclear; intended meaning appears to be 'I can see the view outside the window' so use 'I can see' (modal ability) plus 'the view outside the window'. 4) 'Also the feeling very happy' misses a subject and verb and uses noun form 'feeling' incorrectly; correct is 'It also makes me feel very happy.' Suggestions: use simple present for habitual preferences (I prefer, I travel), use correct collocations (sit by the window, see the view), include subject and verb for complete sentences (It makes me feel...).

× Actually, you know, I don't wanna for a long journey with my family as a child because I don't have the enough of money and it's busy.

✓ Actually, you know, I didn't want to take long journeys with my family when I was a child because we didn't have enough money and it was busy.

Errors and reasons: 1) 'I don't wanna for a long journey with my family as a child' mixes present negative with a past time reference — this is a past tense issue. Use past form 'I didn't want to take long journeys' to match 'as a child'/'when I was a child'. Also 'wanna' is informal; use 'want to' or past 'wanted to'. 2) 'I don't have the enough of money' — wrong tense and article/quantifier use: use past 'we didn't have enough money' and omit 'the' and 'of'. 3) 'and it's busy' refers to past context; change to past 'it was busy' or better specify who was busy: 'because it was busy' is acceptable if meaning travel was busy. Suggestions: keep past tense consistent when talking about childhood, use 'take a long journey' or 'take long journeys', use 'enough' without 'the' or 'of', and use standard 'want to/wanted to'.