Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct minor errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid awkward phrases like "emotion sick" and "it makes me journey". Use accurate collocations (e.g., "motion sick", "my journey").

例: Yes, I usually prefer a window seat when I travel because I enjoy watching the scenery. For example, I like observing changing landscapes and city skylines as we go, which helps me relax and prevents motion sickness.

提案: Provide a clear, direct answer and correct grammatical issues. Begin with a topic sentence that directly answers (e.g., "Yes, I did"). Use linking words to sequence events (e.g., "We spent five days visiting...") and give one or two specific, relevant details. Avoid vague phrases like "around the school" if you mean "around the country" or "trip organized by my school".

例: Yes, I did. When I was a child my family (or my school) took a five-day trip to visit different parts of the country. For example, we saw many beautiful landscapes and on the last day I cried because I wanted to stay and swim longer.

× I prefer to sit by the window when I travel because I enjoy watching the scenery pass by and it helps me avoid feeling emotion sick, especially like looking at landscapes on city skylines.

✓ I prefer to sit by the window when I travel because I enjoy watching the scenery pass by and it helps me avoid feeling motion sick, especially when looking at landscapes or city skylines.

The adjective 'emotion' is incorrect in this context; the correct word is 'motion' to describe sickness caused by movement. Also, 'especially like looking at landscapes on city skylines' is awkward: use 'especially when looking at landscapes or city skylines' to connect the clause and use the correct preposition and parallel nouns. Suggestion: replace 'emotion' with 'motion' and rephrase the latter part for clarity and correct adjective/adverb usage.

× It makes me journey more relaxing and interesting.

✓ It makes my journey more relaxing and interesting.

The sentence uses the determiner 'me' incorrectly before the noun 'journey'. The correct possessive adjective is 'my' to modify 'journey'. This is an error of adjective/pronoun choice affecting modification. Suggestion: use 'my' to show possession.

× Guess when I was a child we had a journey around the school.

✓ I guess when I was a child we went on a trip around the country.

'Guess when I was a child' is informal and mispositioned; also 'had a journey around the school' is unclear and likely incorrect contextually. 'Had a journey' is awkward in English; use 'went on a trip' or 'took a trip'. The transcript later mentions landscapes of our country, so 'around the country' fits better than 'around the school'. Suggestion: begin with 'I guess' or 'I think' followed by a complete clause, and use natural collocations like 'went on a trip'.

× It took us about 5 days on that.

✓ It took us about five days.

'On that' is unnecessary and ungrammatical here. Also write numbers below ten in words in formal writing (optional). The main issue is sentence structure and past tense usage: 'It took us about five days' correctly expresses duration in the past. Suggestion: remove 'on that' and use 'about five days.'

× It was really beautiful to see all the landscapes of our country and on the way home I cried because I wanted to stay and swim a little longer.

✓ It was really beautiful to see all the landscapes of our country, and on the way home I cried because I wanted to stay and swim a little longer.

This sentence is mostly correct in tense, but it needs a comma before the coordinating conjunction 'and' to join two independent clauses. The past tense 'was' and 'cried' are appropriate. Suggestion: add a comma for correct punctuation and clause separation.