Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be careful with grammar and word choice; make sentences concise and fix errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific details using linking words. Correct vocabulary (e.g., 'trainin g' -> 'training' is wrong here; use 'views' or 'scenery of the countryside') and verb forms. Avoid redundancy and keep within about 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I prefer to sit by the window because I enjoy the scenery and like taking photos. For instance, when I travel by car I watch the countryside and often photograph colorful sunsets over the mountains. This view makes the journey more memorable and relaxing.

提案: Improve grammatical accuracy and finish sentences fully. Use a clear topic sentence, then give specific details with linking words. Correct tense consistency (use past tense throughout), subject-verb agreement, and complete the final clause. Replace vague phrases with concrete examples (which beach, what games). Keep answer concise (3–4 sentences).

例: Yes, I had many long journeys with my family when I was a child. For example, we often drove to a nearby beach during summer vacations and spent hours swimming and building sandcastles. We also played board games in the car or on the beach, which made those trips very enjoyable.

× A simple reason is that I can enjoy the scenery and take lots of photos.

✓ A simple reason is that I can enjoy the scenery and take lots of photos.

No correction needed; sentence is grammatically correct. Keep as is.

× For example, when I travel by car, I love watching the training of countryside and capturing colorful sunsets over the mountains would make the journey more memorable.

✓ For example, when I travel by car, I love watching the landscape of the countryside, and capturing colorful sunsets over the mountains makes the journey more memorable.

Problems: 'training of countryside' is incorrect word choice and likely a typo for 'terrain' or 'landscape'; 'capturing... would make' mixes verb forms and weakens parallelism. Corrections: change 'training' to 'landscape of the countryside' for clarity; ensure subject-verb agreement and parallel structure by using 'capturing... makes' because 'capturing colorful sunsets' is a noun phrase acting as subject of 'makes'. Suggestion: keep parallel gerund phrases or use a main verb: 'I love watching... and capturing..., which makes the journey more memorable.' This keeps tense consistent with present habitual action.

× We often went to the beach during summer vacation and we enjoy quality time together with swimming.

✓ We often went to the beach during summer vacation, and we enjoyed quality time together swimming.

Mixed tenses: 'went' (past) is combined with 'enjoy' (present). Maintain past tense for past memories: change 'enjoy' to 'enjoyed'. Also, 'with swimming' is awkward; use the gerund 'swimming' after 'together' without 'with'. Suggestion: keep consistent tense and natural collocation: 'enjoyed quality time together swimming' or 'enjoyed swimming together.'

× Or playing game in the.

✓ Or playing games in the car.

Original fragment is incomplete and lacks a verb and object; it's a sentence fragment. Also 'game' should be plural 'games' for general activities, and 'in the.' is incomplete—likely 'in the car.' Correction completes the sentence into a coherent fragment that fits context: 'Or playing games in the car.' Suggestion: avoid sentence fragments; connect to previous sentence or make a full sentence: 'We also played games in the car.'