Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct, coherent and grammatically accurate. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes/No + reason). Avoid unrelated or incorrect phrases (e.g. “we never travel in an office”) and incorrect word choice (“kills”). Use linking words to add one or two specific supporting details (what you see, how it affects you). Keep answer to under five sentences.

例: Yes, I prefer sitting by the window when I travel because I enjoy watching the landscape change. For example, on plane journeys I like seeing clouds and cities from above, while on trains I enjoy passing fields and small towns. This relaxes me and makes the trip more enjoyable.

提案: Answer directly and provide clearer, more accurate details. Begin with a complete topic sentence, then add specific information: when the trip happened, who went, what you did, and one reason why it was memorable. Use linking words (for example, because, so) to connect points. Avoid vague adjectives and incorrect place names (e.g. Times Square is in New York).

例: Yes, I had a memorable long journey with my family when I was about ten. We traveled to Beijing to visit the Great Wall and other historic sites; my parents and I spent two days hiking parts of the wall and learning about its history. I remember it being exciting because I had never seen such an enormous structure up close, and the views were stunning.

× As I really like this position, we never travel in an office.

✓ As I really like that position, I never travel without a window seat.

The original sentence has incorrect meaning and structure. 'We never travel in an office' is illogical; likely intended to say the speaker prefers a window seat and always chooses it. Change subject to 'I' to match speaker perspective and rephrase to 'never travel without a window seat' to convey preference. Use 'that position' or 'a window seat' for clarity.

× Choose a seat window to see the view kills.

✓ Choosing a window seat to see the view thrills me.

Original sentence has incorrect word order and wrong vocabulary ('kills' is inappropriate). The verb form should be gerund 'Choosing' to act as subject, and adjective 'window seat' must follow proper order. Replace 'kills' with a suitable verb like 'thrills' or 'excites' to express positive feeling.

× It makes me feel very refreshing.

✓ It makes me feel very refreshed.

'Refreshing' is an adjective describing something that causes refreshment; to describe the speaker's feeling, use the past participle adjective 'refreshed.' Therefore 'feel very refreshed' is correct.

× It makes my mood really good.

✓ It really lifts my mood.

'Makes my mood really good' is grammatically awkward. Use a natural collocation such as 'lifts my mood' or 'puts me in a good mood.' 'Really' should modify the verb 'lifts' or the adjective, e.g., 'really lifts' or 'puts me in a good mood.'

× Yes. When I was a child, my parents just took me to Beijing to visit the Great Wall of China and the Times Square.

✓ Yes. When I was a child, my parents took me to Beijing to visit the Great Wall of China and Tiananmen Square.

'Just' is unnecessary and can be omitted. 'The Times Square' is incorrect for Beijing; likely intended 'Tiananmen Square.' Also drop 'just' unless meaning 'only.' Keep past tense 'took' which is correct for a past event.