Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more fluent and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (uh, um), correct collocations, and give one or two specific reasons with a linking word. For example, say you prefer the window seat because you enjoy scenery and like having a place to rest, and add a brief example. Keep it under five sentences.

例: I prefer a window seat when I travel because I enjoy looking at the scenery as we go. Also, it gives me a stable place to rest my head if I want to sleep. For instance, on my last trip I watched mountains pass by, which made the journey relaxing.

提案: Provide a clearer topic sentence, use correct tense and connectors, and add one specific detail or short example. Avoid repetition and small grammar mistakes (double 'to', 'we winter' unclear). Use linking words like 'often' or 'for example' to organize your response.

例: Yes, I often took long journeys with my family when I was a child. We frequently visited my cousins and went to scenic places during the winter, which was always fun. For example, one year we drove to a mountain town where we built snowmen and made lasting memories together.

× As I do actually, I prefer to uh, uh, sit in a window seat because, uh, we can, I can see a lot of views from the window and get freezed here from that window. That's why whenever I, I have to travel somewhere, I like to.

✓ Actually, I prefer to sit in a window seat because I can see a lot of scenery from the window and I get cold there. That's why whenever I have to travel somewhere, I like to sit by the window.

Multiple pronoun and reference issues: the student alternates between we and I inconsistently. Use a single subject pronoun (I) when speaking about personal preference. Also corrected 'a lot of views' to 'a lot of scenery' for natural English and 'get freezed' (incorrect passive/verb form) to 'get cold.' Removed repeated filler words and redundant phrases to improve clarity. Suggestion: decide on one subject (I) for personal statements and use natural collocations like 'see scenery' or 'see the view' and 'get cold,' not 'get freezed.'

× Yes of course many times I went to to my cousins home and beautiful places with my parents.

✓ Yes, of course. Many times I went to my cousins' home and to beautiful places with my parents.

Tense is acceptable (past) but punctuation and possessive form were wrong. Added a comma and split into clearer clauses. 'Cousins home' needs possessive apostrophe (cousins'). Also added 'to' before 'beautiful places' for parallel structure. Suggestion: use correct possessive forms (my cousins' home) and parallel prepositions for multiple destinations.

× Many times we winter and we enjoy a lot.

✓ Many times we spent winters there and enjoyed ourselves a lot.

The verb 'winter' is not used correctly as an intransitive verb in this context. Use 'spend winters' or 'went there in winter.' Also adjusted tense for consistency with past narration and added reflexive enjoyment 'enjoyed ourselves.' Suggestion: use 'spend winter(s)' or 'go somewhere for winter' and pair with past tense when describing past events.

× We made memories with each other.

✓ We made many memories together.

The phrase 'with each other' is awkward here; 'together' is the natural adverbial expression. Also adding 'many' clarifies quantity. Suggestion: use 'together' after the verb for natural phrasing and consider adding a quantifier if appropriate.