Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and clear: start with a concise topic sentence stating your preference, then add 1–2 specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and fill words (uh, I, whenever I). Use correct collocations (sit by the window, watch the scenery) and correct tense/word forms. Keep it to 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I usually prefer to sit by the window when I travel. I enjoy watching the changing scenery and taking photographs, especially of Chinese landscapes. For example, on train journeys I often sit by the window and spend the trip looking out and capturing interesting views.

提案: Answer the question asked (past experience) directly with a clear past-tense topic sentence. Provide one or two specific supporting details about a particular childhood journey, including time, destination or memory, and use linking words (for example, because, so, therefore). Reduce repetition and correct grammar (used to, sit by the window).

例: Yes, I did. When I was a child, my family took a long train journey to visit grandparents in the countryside. Because I loved the views, I used to sit by the window for most of the trip and remember taking many photos of fields and rivers along the way.

× I am provided in by the window, uh, whenever I try, I, whenever I travel, I like changing.

✓ I prefer to sit by the window whenever I travel.

The original sentence uses wrong verbs and prepositions ('provided in by the window', 'try') and has a confused structure. This is an incorrect use of prepositions and verb choice. Use 'prefer to sit by' (correct verb and preposition) and simplify the clause to 'whenever I travel.' Suggestion: use clear subject + verb + object order and correct prepositions, e.g., 'I prefer to sit by the window whenever I travel.'

× I like seeing the Chinese sceneries, uh, taking photographs, uh, for example, when I go through, when I go, I trip, I spend a lot of time.

✓ I like seeing Chinese scenery and taking photographs; for example, when I travel, I spend a lot of time doing that.

'Chinese sceneries' is incorrect pluralization and collocation; 'scenery' is an uncountable noun and should not take an article or plural form. Also word order and verb forms are mixed ('go through', 'I trip') causing confusion. Use 'seeing Chinese scenery' and a gerund phrase 'taking photographs.' Clarify sequence with 'when I travel, I spend a lot of time doing that.'

× I prefer sitting by the window whenever I travel to somewhere because I like watching the scenery, changing the sceneries and taking photographs.

✓ I prefer sitting by the window whenever I travel because I like watching the scenery change and taking photographs.

The phrase 'changing the sceneries' is incorrect: 'scenery' is uncountable and 'change' should be the verb describing what the scenery does, so use 'watching the scenery change.' Also 'to somewhere' is unnecessary; use 'travel' without 'to somewhere.' This fixes verb usage and noun form.

× For example, on travel on on train journeys I used to sit by the window and and spend a lot of time by seeing.

✓ For example, on train journeys I used to sit by the window and spend a lot of time looking out and watching the scenery.

The phrase 'spend a lot of time by seeing' is incorrect; after 'spend time' use a gerund ('spending time looking out' or 'spend a lot of time looking out'). Also 'on travel on on' is redundant. Use 'on train journeys' and a present participle gerund phrase 'looking out' or 'watching the scenery.'