Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words. Correct tense and phrasing (e.g., “on a high-speed train” not “in a high speed railway”). Avoid redundancy like “unique scenery of the window.”

例: Yes, I usually prefer to sit by the window. I enjoy looking out because the changing landscape makes the journey more interesting, and I can take photos of views like mountains or coastlines.

提案: Give a clearer, well-structured answer: use past tense consistently, correct place names, and provide specific details with linking words. Make one topic sentence, then add two supporting details (when, where, what you saw, and how you felt). Avoid vague phrases like “unique scenery I have ever seen before.”

例: Yes, when I was in middle school about ten years ago, my mother and I took a long trip to the northwest of China. We visited places such as Heilongjiang and Inner Mongolia, and I remember seeing vast grasslands and glaciers, which made me feel amazed and inspired to learn more about nature.

× Yes, when I was choosing a seat in a high speed railway or an aeroplane, I would ask the staff to give me a seat by the window because I would like to appreciate the unique scenery of the window.

✓ Yes, when I choose a seat on a high-speed train or an aeroplane, I ask the staff to give me a seat by the window because I would like to enjoy the view.

The original mixes past continuous ('was choosing') and conditional/modal 'would' in a habitual preference context. Use simple present to express general habits. Also 'high speed railway' is unnatural; 'high-speed train' is correct, and 'appreciate the unique scenery of the window' is awkward — use 'enjoy the view'. Use 'on' for trains/planes. Replace repeated 'would' with simple present 'ask' and keep 'would like' to express polite desire.

× Yes, I have a long journey to the northwest area of China with my mother.

✓ Yes, I had a long journey to the northwest area of China with my mother.

The original uses present perfect ('have') with a definite past event; simple past 'had' is required. Also 'a long journey' is fine but must agree with past time frame (10 years ago).

× 10 years ago during my middle school, we traveled Dural province like Heilongjiang and Mongolia.

✓ Ten years ago, when I was in middle school, we travelled to provinces in the northeast like Heilongjiang and Inner Mongolia.

The original has awkward word order and wrong place name 'Dural province'. Use 'when I was in middle school' to set the time clause. Use 'travelled to' + place. Heilongjiang and Inner Mongolia are provinces in northeast China, so phrasing 'provinces in the northeast like Heilongjiang and Inner Mongolia' is clearer. Also spell out 'Ten' for sentence start and use consistent preposition.

× I witnessed some unique scenery I have ever seen before like glacier and grassland.

✓ I saw some unique scenery I had never seen before, such as glaciers and grasslands.

The clause mixes tenses and uses incorrect expression 'I have ever seen before'. For an event in the past relative to another past time, use past perfect 'had never seen before'. Also 'witnessed' is formal; 'saw' is natural. Use plural nouns 'glaciers' and 'grasslands' and 'such as' instead of 'like' for examples.