Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more fluent and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (uh, umm), correct grammar (use I prefer / I like), and give one specific reason with a linking word. Keep it under 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I usually prefer to sit by the window when I travel because I enjoy looking at the sky and the clouds. For example, on flights I like watching the landscape change during take-off and landing, which helps me relax.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence about the trip, then add specific supporting details using linking words. Reduce hesitations and correct word choices (e.g., “with my family,” “stayed in a hotel near Palermo,” “courts”). Limit to 3–4 sentences and include one concrete detail or memory.

例: Yes, I had a long family trip to Sicily when I was a child. We stayed in a hotel near Palermo that had several swimming pools and tennis courts, so we spent many afternoons playing and relaxing by the pool. That trip is memorable because I learned to swim better and we explored nearby beaches.

× Uh, yes, because I want to, to see uh, the clouds, uh, the, umm, the sky and they prefer to stay near the, the window.

✓ Uh, yes, because I want to see the clouds and the sky, and I prefer to sit near the window.

Original sentence uses the pronoun 'they' incorrectly to refer to the speaker and has redundancy and filler words. Replace 'they prefer' with 'I prefer' to match the speaker as subject (incorrect use of pronouns). Also remove duplicate words and unnecessary fillers and use 'sit' for clarity. Suggestion: practice replacing filler sounds and ensure pronouns agree with the intended subject. Grammar problem type ID: 12

× Yes, uh, with one my family, I went to Sicily in, umm, uh, in hotel near near Palermo, uh, there were uh, many uh, pools, swimming pools, uh, many court, many tennis courts.

✓ Yes, with my family I went to Sicily and stayed in a hotel near Palermo; there were many swimming pools and many tennis courts.

Problems include 'with one my family' which wrongly uses 'one' and wrong word order; these are pronoun/determiner errors (Incorrect use of pronouns). Also the sentence is repetitive and disfluent. Use 'with my family' (correct determiner), 'stayed in a hotel' (correct verb + preposition), and combine descriptors properly. Suggestion: remove filler words, correct word order, and use appropriate determiners like 'my'. Grammar problem type ID: 12