Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar; start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct tense and word choice (e.g., “when I travel,” “record” → “take photos/videos,” avoid unclear phrase “MC”).

例: Yes, I usually prefer a window seat because I can enjoy the passing scenery. For example, I often take photos or short videos of mountains and rivers to remember the trip, and sometimes I find the view very relaxing.

提案: Provide a direct answer in past tense and avoid filler words. Give one clear specific example with linking words (e.g., “for example,” “because”) and concrete details (where, when, what you saw, and why it was memorable). Fix grammar and pronoun issues.

例: Yes, I often went on long trips with my family when I was a child. For example, we once traveled across China and I remember the dramatic mountain scenery because it was unlike anything I had seen before and left a strong impression.

× Yes, of course, because when I see it by the window when I'm travel I can see the scenery at the outside and sometime I can do a record when MC is so beautiful and want to have a memory with it.

✓ Yes, of course, because when I sit by the window while I'm traveling I can see the scenery outside, and sometimes I can record it when it is so beautiful because I want to keep the memory.

Errors: incorrect prepositions ('by the window' is acceptable but 'see it by the window' awkward; 'at the outside' should be 'outside'), incorrect verb form ('I'm travel' should be 'I'm traveling'), word choice and spacing ('sometime' -> 'sometimes'), and unclear noun reference ('do a record' -> 'record it', 'MC' unclear so replaced with 'it' and 'it is so beautiful'). Suggestions: use 'while' or 'when' + present continuous for actions happening during travel; use 'outside' instead of 'at the outside'; use 'record' as a verb with an object; use 'sometimes' for frequency. Maintain consistent present continuous tense for ongoing action.

× Yeah, I have a lot of long journey with my family when I was child, for example, like, uh, Johnny when my family going into China, uh, scenery there is so mighty and I'm really that is a memorable memories I can remember.

✓ Yeah, I had a lot of long journeys with my family when I was a child. For example, when my family went to China, the scenery there was so magnificent and it is a really memorable experience for me.

Errors: tense inconsistency ('have' should be past 'had' because speaker refers to childhood), singular/plural ('a lot of long journey' -> 'a lot of long journeys'), missing article and noun form ('when I was child' -> 'when I was a child'), incorrect verb form ('when my family going into China' -> 'when my family went to China'), awkward adjective choice ('mighty' -> 'magnificent'), redundancy and phrasing ('I'm really that is a memorable memories I can remember' -> 'it is a really memorable experience for me'). Suggestions: use past simple for completed past events, match plural nouns to quantity, include articles where needed ('a child'), and use clear noun phrases like 'memorable experience' instead of redundant 'memorable memories'.