Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 简短直接回答并用更自然的表达。避免重复短语（如“doing this kind of thing”多次出现），用连词使语意更连贯，并给出具体细节或例子支持观点。注意句子长度不要超过五句。

例: Yes, I usually look out of the window when I travel by bus or car because it helps me relax and rest my eyes after working on a screen. For example, watching trees and buildings go by calms me and gives me ideas for my photography. Also, I enjoy noticing changes in weather and light, which makes the journey more interesting.

提案: 回答要更具体，说明什么时候拍、用什么设备、拍什么样的景色，并说明拍照如何帮助你与别人交流。避免笼统表述并减少重复表达。适当使用连接词（for example, because, so）提高连贯性。

例: Yes, I often take photos from the car window, especially during long trips, using my phone to capture interesting clouds or rural scenes. For example, I shared a series of sunset photos with a travel forum and received comments, which led to a long conversation and a couple of new friends. So photographing helps me connect with people who share my interests.

提案: 开门见山给出明确偏好，然后用一到两条具体原因或例子支持。避免不自然的词组（如“maritime things”）和冗长表达，使用更贴切的词汇（seaside, coastal scenery），并用连接词使结构清晰。

例: I prefer the sea to the mountains because coastal scenery feels more peaceful and offers unique activities like swimming and watching tides. For instance, when I visited the coast last summer, the fresh air and wide views helped me relax and inspired me to sketch seascapes, which broadened my artistic perspective.

× On the one hand, doing this kind of thing is beneficial to protect my eyes without the risks of being short sighted.

✓ On the one hand, doing this kind of thing is beneficial for protecting my eyes and reduces the risk of becoming short-sighted.

句子中不当使用不定式短语“to protect”与“beneficial”搭配。英语中“beneficial”后常用动名词（doing/for + -ing）或不定式“to”后接名词结构，但更自然的是“beneficial for + -ing”或“beneficial in + -ing”。此外“without the risks of being short sighted”在表达上不自然，改为“reduces the risk of becoming short-sighted”更符合英语习惯并且语义清晰。建议多使用“beneficial for + -ing”结构或“help to + 动词原形”。

× Besides, doing this kind of thing is also beneficial to make me get the aesthetics of the landscape.

✓ Besides, doing this kind of thing also helps me appreciate the beauty of the landscape.

原句中“beneficial to make me get the aesthetics of the landscape”结构混乱：‘beneficial to make me get’是不自然的搭配且包含不必要的使役结构。应使用“help(s) someone do something”或“be beneficial for + -ing”。另外“get the aesthetics of the landscape”用词不地道，改为“appreciate the beauty of the landscape”更自然。建议将‘help(s) + 人 + 动词原形’或‘be beneficial for + -ing’作为固定表达。

× Photographing of the scenery outside the car window is beneficial for me to get the aesthetics of the world.

✓ Taking photos of the scenery outside the car window helps me appreciate the beauty of the world.

“Photographing of the scenery”中的“of”不必要，并且“is beneficial for me to get the aesthetics of the world”搭配不自然。应使用“take photos”或“photograph”直接接宾语，且用“help(s) someone do something”或“help someone to do something”更地道。将“get the aesthetics”改为“appreciate the beauty”使表达清晰自然。

× Besides, doing this kind of activity gives me more opportunities to communicate with others, making more friends.

✓ Besides, this activity gives me more opportunities to communicate with others and make more friends.

原句“doing this kind of activity gives me... , making more friends”中现在分词短语“making more friends”作为独立短语接在句尾，语义虽可理解但结构上更简洁自然的是并列谓语“and make more friends”。此外可以省略“doing”用名词“this activity”。建议使用并列结构连接两个并列动作。

× To be honest, I prefer the maritime things rather than the mountains because as the people who live in the inland areas, I think that the maritime landscapes are more elegant.

✓ To be honest, I prefer maritime scenery to mountains because, as someone who lives in an inland area, I think maritime landscapes are more elegant.

原句中代词和修饰短语使用不当：“the maritime things”不自然，应为“maritime scenery”或“the sea”；“rather than”通常与“prefer A to B”结构冲突，正确用法是“prefer A to B”或“prefer A rather than B”（但后一种较少）。“as the people who live in the inland areas”中“the people”与主语“I”不一致，应改为“as someone who lives in an inland area”或“as a person who lives inland”。建议注意代词与先行词一致并使用常见搭配“prefer A to B”。

× Besides, focusing on the other places landscapes is more beneficial for me to expand my horizons.

✓ Besides, focusing on landscapes in other places is more beneficial for expanding my horizons.

原句“the other places landscapes”词序错误，应为“landscapes in other places”或“landscapes of other places”。另外“beneficial for me to expand my horizons”在搭配上不如“不定式/动名词短语”，更自然的表达是“beneficial for expanding my horizons”或“beneficial to me in expanding my horizons”。建议注意名词短语内部的词序及常见介词搭配。