Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and use a clear topic sentence followed by one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition and unclear phrasing. Also use linking words to connect ideas (for example, "because" or "so").

例: Yes, I usually look out the window when I travel by bus or car because I enjoy seeing new landscapes. For example, I like watching unfamiliar towns and countryside pass by, which reminds me how diverse the world is.

提案: Start with a direct answer, then give one clear reason and a specific example. Correct small errors and avoid vague phrases like "UMM" unless explained. Use linking words like "because" and "so that" to make the response coherent.

例: Yes, I often take photos of scenery outside the window because I want to remember the trip. For instance, I save pictures in my gallery and sometimes post them on social media so I can look back later and feel nostalgic about where I visited.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence that answers the question, then provide two concise contrasting reasons using linking words (e.g., "on the one hand" / "on the other hand"). Avoid repeating phrases and finish with a brief concluding sentence if needed.

例: I prefer both the mountains and the sea. On the one hand, I enjoy mountains because I like the fresh air, walking on grass and the peaceful views; on the other hand, I love the sea for its calming waves, the smell of salt, and collecting shells for photos.

× Yes, so I can see the scenery of the place that I have never been to, so that I can see the extraordinary parts of the world, because it's proof that the earth or the world is wider than we thought.

✓ Yes, I can see scenery of places I have never been to, and I can see extraordinary parts of the world because it proves the world is wider than we thought.

The original sentence uses repetitive 'so' clauses and mixes present tense with past tense in a confusing way. Change 'so I can see the scenery of the place that I have never been to' to 'I can see scenery of places I have never been to' for concise present-tense narration. Use 'it proves' (present simple) instead of 'it's proof that' to keep consistent present-time commentary. Also remove redundant articles and repeated phrases to improve clarity.

× Yes, to post it on the social media and to keep it on on the gallery for UMM.

✓ Yes, to post it on social media and to keep it in the gallery for UMM.

Use no article with 'social media' (uncountable general concept) and use 'in' rather than 'on' for 'gallery'. Remove the duplicated 'on'. These changes correct article and preposition usage.

× For some memories of why I went here and what we do in this specific timeline.

✓ I keep them as memories of why I went here and what we did during that time.

The original is a sentence fragment and mixes present 'do' with past 'went'. Make a full sentence and match tense: 'went' and 'did' refer to past events. 'During that time' is clearer than 'specific timeline'.

× To feel that nostalgic feeling that I was in this place.

✓ To feel nostalgic about having been in that place.

Original uses awkward structure 'feel that nostalgic feeling that I was in this place.' Use 'feel nostalgic about' plus perfect infinitive 'having been' to indicate a past experience felt in the present. This corrects tense and phrasing.

× Both actually, because I can feel the wind going towards me and I can feel the grass under my feet and I can.

✓ Both, actually, because I can feel the wind and the grass under my feet.

The original ends with an incomplete clause 'and I can.' Remove redundancy and incomplete phrase; combine senses into one concise sentence. Keep present tense consistent.

× I like the ocean too because I can feel the waves and the sand and it's so calm and I can smell the sea and I can take pictures of the shells and some starfish and some fish.

✓ I like the ocean, too, because I can feel the waves and the sand; it's calm, I can smell the sea, and I can take pictures of shells, starfish, and fish.

Original is a run-on with repetitive 'and' and inconsistent punctuation. Break into clearer clauses, remove unnecessary articles before plural nouns ('shells', 'starfish'), and use parallel structure for the list of things the speaker can do/experience.