Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장이 자연스럽지 않고 반복이 많습니다. 질문에 바로 답하는 주제문을 명확히 하고, supporting details는 한두 개의 구체적인 예로 연결어를 사용해 간결하게 말하세요. 발음이나 문법 오류(예: 'watching' 대신 'watch', 'what they're doing')를 수정하고 불필요한 반복을 제거하세요.

例: Yes, I do. I often look out of the window when I travel by bus or car because I enjoy observing people and their activities. For example, I like watching street vendors and commuters, which gives me a sense of local life.

提案: 내용은 비교적 잘 전달되지만 문법과 표현을 더 자연스럽게 다듬어야 합니다. 'mountain-like landscape', 'green things' 같은 표현을 구체적으로 바꾸고 결과 표현은 연결어로 정리하세요. 문장을 2~3문장으로 간결하게 유지하세요.

例: Yes, I often take photos from the car window, especially when I see mountain landscapes. I love capturing the lush greenery because it feels refreshing to my eyes, and those photos help me remember peaceful moments.

提案: 의도는 분명하지만 문법과 연결이 부자연스럽습니다. 이유를 말할 때 원인과 결과를 연결어로 명확히 하고, 동사 형태(예: 'I'm a person who sweats easily', 'I like swimming')와 복수/단수 형태를 바로잡으세요. 2문장 안에서 이유와 구체적 활동을 제시하세요.

例: I prefer the sea because I sweat easily and I don't enjoy hiking. Also, I love swimming, so going to the beach in summer is one of my favorite activities.

× Yes, I do one of my favorite things when one of my favorite things when I ride a car or bus I love.

✓ Yes, I do; one of my favorite things when I ride in a car or bus is looking out the window.

The original sentence repeats phrases and lacks clear structure. Use a main clause with a subject and verb: 'one of my favorite things ... is ...' Also use the correct preposition with vehicles: 'ride in a car or bus.' Combine ideas with a semicolon or break into two sentences to avoid repetition.

× I like to watching the people outside what they're doing or what they're.

✓ I like watching the people outside to see what they're doing.

After 'like' use either 'to' + base verb or verb+ -ing consistently. 'I like watching' is correct. Also complete the clause: 'to see what they're doing' rather than an unfinished fragment.

× Growing and working.

✓ I enjoy watching them go about their daily lives, such as working and growing vegetables or raising children.

The original fragment lacks a subject and verb, so it's not a complete sentence. Provide a full clause and clarify meaning: 'watching them' plus activities. Expand 'growing' to a clear action (e.g., growing crops) or rephrase to 'growing up' if referring to people.

× When I see the scenery, especially the mountain like landscape, I must take a picture because I like the green things and it makes my eyes really refresh so I really love to take part.

✓ When I see the scenery, especially mountain-like landscapes, I must take a picture because I like green views and they really refresh my eyes, so I love taking photos.

Use adjective form 'mountain-like' and plural 'landscapes' for general statements (singular/plural consistency). 'Green things' is vague; 'green views' is clearer. 'Refresh' should be 'refresh my eyes' (verb-object). Use gerund 'taking photos' instead of 'to take part' which is incorrect here.

× I prefer the sea because actually I'm really sweating person that's why I hate hiking.

✓ I prefer the sea because I'm a person who sweats easily; that's why I hate hiking.

Add the article and noun phrase: 'a person who sweats easily' clarifies meaning. Use a semicolon or separate sentences for clarity. 'Actually' is unnecessary here or can be used but do not break sentence flow.

× So I prefer the sea and I really like to swimming.

✓ So I prefer the sea and I really like swimming.

After 'like' use 'swimming' (gerund) rather than 'to swimming.' Alternatively, 'I really like to swim.' Keep forms consistent.

× So one of my favorite thing and some things in summer is swimming in the sea.

✓ One of my favorite things to do in summer is swimming in the sea.

Use plural 'things' after 'one of my' and a clear infinitive phrase 'things to do in summer.' Ensure subject-verb agreement: 'one ... is.' The original had incorrect number and awkward word order.