Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cevap doğal ama dağınık ve tekrarlar içeriyor. Konuya doğrudan kısa bir konu cümlesiyle başlayın, gereksiz dolgu sözcüklerini (uh, um, like) azaltın ve en fazla 3-4 destekleyici cümle kullanın. Örneğin; hangi tür manzaralardan hoşlandığınızı (orman, dağ, şehir) ve neden sevdiğinize dair kısa bir neden veya örnek verin. Bağlaçlar (because, so, therefore) kullanarak cümleleri mantıklı şekilde bağlayın.

例: Yes, I often look out of the window when I travel by bus or car because I enjoy watching natural landscapes. For example, I especially like passing through forests and rivers since they feel calming. I find it helps me relax and think.

提案: Cevap net ama dolgu sözcükleri çok fazla ve ayrıntılar yüzeysel. Kısa bir giriş yaptıktan sonra spesifik bir örnek verin (hangi manzaraları fotoğraflıyorsunuz, hangi cihazı kullanıyorsunuz, fotoğraf çekmenin size kattığı şeyler). Ayrıca gelecek planınızı daha düzgün bir cümlede ifade edin ve bağlaçlarla bağlantı kurun.

例: Yes, I often take photos of the scenery outside the window and I have many in my phone gallery. I usually photograph coastal views and mountains using my smartphone because it is convenient. In the future, I would like to become a photographer and maybe open a small gallery to display my work.

提案: Cevap kısa ve anlaşılır ancak dilbilgisi hataları ve tekrarlar var. Tercihinizi açıkça ifade eden bir konu cümlesi kullanın, ardından iki kısa destekleyici neden verin (örneğin dinlendirici olması, aktiviteler, manzara). Gereksiz tekrarları ve yanlış kelime kullanımlarını düzeltin ("I see is unique" yerine anlamlı bir ifade).

例: I definitely prefer the sea because I find the sound of waves very relaxing. I also enjoy seafood and coastal activities like swimming and walking on the beach. Overall, the seaside helps me unwind more than the mountains.

× like every people

✓ like every person

'People' is a plural noun; using 'every' requires a singular noun ('person'). Use 'every person' or 'everyone'. Suggestion: say 'like everyone' or 'like every person'.

× and traveling is my uh, unique favorite

✓ and traveling is my favorite hobby

Phrase 'unique favorite' is ungrammatical: 'favorite' already indicates uniqueness. Also 'traveling' fits as a noun but 'hobby' clarifies meaning. Suggestion: use 'my favorite hobby' or 'my favorite thing to do'.

× Uh, and uh, I love nature. I love.

✓ I love nature.

Fragment 'I love.' is incomplete; repeating verb without object is a sentence fragment. Combine into one complete sentence: 'I love nature.'

× I have a lot of pictures, uh, in my gallery, uh, and in future I want to be a photographer and I want to open a gallery, uh.

✓ I have a lot of pictures in my gallery, and in the future I want to become a photographer and open a gallery.

Missing article 'the' before 'future' and awkward repetition 'I want to be' and 'I want to open'. Use 'in the future' and streamline verbs: 'become' and 'open'. Also remove extra commas. Suggestion: 'in the future I want to become a photographer and open a gallery.'

× Yeah, it's absolutely, uh, I prefer sea because uh, uh, I think I see is unique, uh, for everybody.

✓ Yeah, absolutely, I prefer the sea because I think it is special for everyone.

Use article 'the' with 'sea'. 'I think I see is unique for everybody' is ungrammatical; likely meant 'it is special for everyone.' Replace 'see' with 'it' and 'unique' with 'special' or 'beautiful for everyone'. Suggestion: 'I prefer the sea because I think it is special for everyone.'

× And uh, I like fish and sea is relaxing me.

✓ And I like fish, and the sea relaxes me.

Use article 'the' before 'sea' and correct verb form: 'the sea relaxes me' (not 'is relaxing me'). Also add comma for clarity. Suggestion: 'the sea relaxes me' or 'I find the sea relaxing.'