Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid fillers and repetitions. Correct subject-verb agreement and use precise phrases for views (e.g. “good view of the city skyline”).

例: Yes, there are several tall buildings near my home. For example, I live on the 16th floor of one tower, so I have a clear view of the city skyline and the river in the distance, which I find very pleasant.

提案: Provide a direct answer then specific details. Correct vocabulary and coherence—use linking words and avoid contradictory phrases (e.g. “dissatisfied” is wrong here). Name camera simply and describe what you photograph and why. Limit to up to 4–5 sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoy photographing buildings. I use a Nikon D610 and I especially like capturing striking architecture such as TM Square because of its modern shapes and bold lines. As a result, I often try different angles and lighting to highlight the building’s details.

提案: Answer directly with a named building and give specific reasons and plans. Use linking words (for example, because, so, therefore) and avoid hesitations. Correct the building name if needed and explain what you would photograph or learn there.

例: I would like to visit the Bird’s Nest stadium in Beijing because it is famous for its unique structure. I want to photograph its intricate steel lattice at different times of day and learn more about its architecture and engineering.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence and avoid repeating earlier points. Correct grammar (e.g. “My home is on the 16th floor” and “provides a good view”). Give one or two specific reasons and a linking word to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I enjoy living in a tall building. My apartment is on the 16th floor, so it provides a great view of the city and nearby hills, which is perfect for taking landscape photos from my balcony.

× I really like taking photos buildings actually, I have a dazzler which type is D610 and it's, it's band is uh, uh, Nikon.

✓ I really like taking photos of buildings, actually. I have a camera which is a D610 and its brand is Nikon.

Missing preposition 'of' before 'buildings' is a plural/prepositional collocation issue; also 'dazzler' seems incorrect; 'a D610' needs an article and 'its brand' uses a possessive pronoun. Use 'photos of buildings' and 'a camera which is a D610' for correct singular/plural and article usage.

× Actually I am living in just one of them right now and I think it provide a good view to something from afar away and very distant things.

✓ Actually I am living in just one of them right now, and I think it provides a good view of things from far away.

The verb 'provide' needs third person singular agreement 'provides' (subject-verb agreement) and the phrase should be 'view of' rather than 'view to something'. 'Afar away' is incorrect; use 'far away'. This involves correcting verb form and prepositional use.

× I think is yeah, it's very satisfi.

✓ I think, yeah, it's very satisfying.

The sentence had missing subject 'it' before 'is' and 'satisfi' is incomplete; use the adjective 'satisfying' to describe the feeling. This corrects sentence structure and adjective form.

× I really like taking photos of some beautiful and spectacular architectures like TM Square and makes me feel dissatisfied.

✓ I really like taking photos of some beautiful and spectacular buildings like TM Square; they make me feel satisfied.

'Architectures' is uncountable or not used this way; use 'buildings'. The clause 'and makes me feel' is incorrect because the subject is plural ('they' or 'these buildings'), so use 'they make'. Also 'dissatisfied' contradicts 'beautiful and spectacular'; likely 'satisfied' fits. This fixes noun choice and subject-verb agreement.

× Umm, to be honest, I didn't think too much of this topic, but if I have to see, I think uh, Burton asked in Beijing is uh, very uh, popular 1 and I really want to go there to take some, you know, good photos of it.

✓ Umm, to be honest, I haven't thought much about this topic, but if I had to choose, I think the Burton Mosque in Beijing is very popular and I really want to go there to take some good photos of it.

Use present perfect 'haven't thought' for experience up to now rather than simple past 'didn't think'. 'If I have to see' is unidiomatic; 'if I had to choose' fits. Unknown 'Burton asked' seems a mishearing; I suggest 'Burton Mosque' or the intended building. Also correct article use 'the Burton Mosque' and simplify redundant fillers.

× Umm, I think I'll be very excited when I.

✓ Umm, I think I'll be very excited when I go there.

The original sentence is incomplete and missing the verb phrase; add 'go there' to complete the conditional/time clause.

× Uh, my home was on 16th floor.

✓ Uh, my home is on the 16th floor.

Use present tense 'is' for current residence. Also include definite article 'the' before ordinal floor numbers ('the 16th floor').

× It provide a good view to see something far away.

✓ It provides a good view of things that are far away.

Use 'view of' rather than 'view to see'. Also correct verb to 'provides' for third person singular and modify noun phrase to 'things that are far away' for clarity.

× And so uh, I really enjoy taking photos at home to something distant.

✓ And so, I really enjoy taking photos at home of distant things.

Change 'to something distant' to 'of distant things' to use correct prepositional pattern after 'taking photos' and improve noun phrase. This fixes verb-object construction.

× It provide a good view to something from afar away and very distant things.

✓ It provides a good view of things from far away; very distant things.

'Provide' should be 'provides' for third person singular subject 'it'. Also use 'view of' and 'far away' not 'afar away'; restructure for clarity.