Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more specific and avoid vague words like “so many.” Begin with a clear topic sentence and add one or two brief supporting details (location, type, or why they stand out). Keep it concise and natural.

例: Yes. There are several tall apartment and office buildings around my neighborhood, especially along the main road. They stand out because many have glass facades and are brightly lit at night.

提案: Use a more natural sentence structure and correct small grammar errors. Start with a direct answer, then give a specific reason and an example. Use linking words like “because” or “for example.”

例: Yes, I sometimes photograph buildings because they look beautiful at night. For example, I like capturing the way the lights reflect off the glass on the city tower.

提案: Organize your answer with a clear topic sentence and coherent supporting details. Avoid filler words and repetition. State the building, explain why you want to visit, and give a specific benefit. Use linking words like “because” and “for example.”

例: Yes. I would like to visit a tea hub that houses many startup companies because I’m interested in entrepreneurship. Visiting would let me learn about product development and networking, which could help me start my own business in the future.

提案: Expand slightly with one or two reasons to make the answer more informative. Use a linking word to connect the reason and give a clear, concise supporting detail.

例: Yes, I would like to live in a tall building because the views are great and it feels more modern. For instance, a higher floor would give me a quieter environment away from street noise.

× Yeah, there are so many tall buildings near our home.

✓ Yes, there are many tall buildings near our home.

Use 'Yes' instead of colloquial 'Yeah' for more formal speech; 'so many' is acceptable but 'many' is more natural in this context. This is primarily a style/word choice improvement rather than a strict grammar error, but it improves register and clarity.

× Yeah, I do take photos of building sometimes because they look at night, they look really beautiful.

✓ Yes, I do take photos of buildings sometimes because they look really beautiful at night.

Errors: 'building' should be plural 'buildings' (singular/plural issue) and the phrase order 'they look at night' is incorrect. Place the adverbial phrase 'at night' after the verb phrase: 'look really beautiful at night.' Also use 'Yes' for formality. Suggestion: ensure nouns agree in number and keep adverbial phrases next to the verb they modify.

× Yeah, there, yes, there is a building that would I would like to visit which is a a tea hub where there are so many startup companies.

✓ Yes, there is a building I would like to visit: a tea hub where many startup companies are located.

Multiple issues: redundant fillers ('yeah, there, yes, there'), incorrect word order ('would I would like' is wrong), duplicate article 'a a', and awkward relative clause placement. The correction removes redundancies, fixes word order ('I would like to visit'), and places the relative clause and verb correctly. Suggestion: avoid filler words, check subject-verb order in statements (not questions), and remove duplicate words.

× I want to visit those companies to gain more knowledge about those things where I can, you know, I can just which it can be useful in my future.

✓ I want to visit those companies to learn more about their work because it could be useful for my future.

Problems: vague pronoun use ('things', 'it'), redundant 'I can, you know, I can', and incorrect relative clause 'which it can be useful'. Use specific nouns ('their work'), replace 'things' with a concrete idea, and use 'could be useful for my future' to express potential benefit. Suggestion: remove fillers, use clear nouns instead of 'things', and choose correct modal and preposition ('useful for').

× Yeah, I would like to live in a tall building.

✓ Yes, I would like to live in a tall building.

Change 'Yeah' to 'Yes' for more appropriate register. The sentence is otherwise grammatically correct: 'would like to' correctly expresses desire. Suggestion: use 'yes' in semi-formal speech and avoid colloquial 'yeah'.