Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid grammar errors and redundancy, and give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct sentence structure (subject-verb agreement, articles) and avoid contradictory phrases (e.g., "no any").

例: No, there are no tall buildings near my home. The town is small and most houses are two or three storeys high. However, I would like to see a few taller buildings in the future because they could bring more shops and offices to the area.

提案: Provide a clear opening sentence, then give specific reasons and an example. Use linking words (for example, because, so) and fix phrasing (e.g., "on every walk I take" instead of "by every walk I do"). Keep it within 3–4 sentences and avoid vague statements.

例: Yes, I often take photos of buildings when I travel or walk around my city. I find architectural details interesting because they remind me of the place's history. For example, I photographed an old town hall last month to remember its ornate façade.

提案: Answer directly naming one specific building, then add 1–2 clear reasons and a brief plan. Correct vocabulary ("the Burj Khalifa" not "a Burj Khalifa"), remove unclear words ("validate"), and use linking words for coherence.

例: Yes, I would love to visit the Burj Khalifa in Dubai. I want to see its observation deck and experience the view because I've seen impressive photos online. I hope to visit with my friends within the next five years.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence stating your preference, then provide two specific reasons linked logically. Fix grammar and word choice ("look" -> "they look", "ground races" unclear — use "ground level"), avoid repetition, and keep sentences concise.

例: No, I wouldn't like to live in a tall building. They often feel smaller inside than they look from the outside, and living high up means relying on elevators, which can be inconvenient. I prefer a ground-level house with easy outdoor access.

× No, the town Rd. live is actually small though our buildings are actually low rise and there are no any other tall buildings that in the future I'd be like delighted if there were hundreds of them, not hundreds like 10s of them.

✓ No. The town where I live is actually small; our buildings are low-rise and there are no tall buildings. In the future I'd be delighted if there were some more, maybe tens of them rather than hundreds.

Original sentence has multiple structural problems: incorrect word order ('town Rd. live'), unnecessary words ('actually' repeated, 'no any'), and confusing clauses. Break into shorter sentences, use 'where I live' for location, 'low-rise' as a compound adjective, use 'no tall buildings' instead of 'no any other tall buildings', and rephrase the hypothetical preference clearly. Suggestion: simplify complex sentences, place relative clauses correctly, and avoid redundant words.

× Definitely I do whenever I'm walking and traveling around the world and I by every walk I do some pictures because I really find it interesting and engaging.

✓ Definitely I do. Whenever I'm walking or traveling around the world, I take some pictures on every walk because I find it interesting and engaging.

Use simple present 'I take' for habitual actions rather than an awkward 'by every walk I do some pictures'. Replace 'walking and traveling' with 'walking or traveling' for clarity. Remove unnecessary 'really' or keep one instance. Suggestion: use subject + simple present for routines and correct verb collocations: 'take pictures'.

× By this photo you can keep your memories here, though you won't forget about them.

✓ With these photos you can keep your memories, so you won't forget them.

Use 'with' or 'in' rather than 'by this photo' and plural 'photos' matches context. 'Keep your memories here' is awkward; 'keep your memories' or 'preserve memories' is better. 'Though you won't forget about them' contradicts intent; 'so you won't forget them' shows purpose. Suggestion: choose correct preposition for means ('with') and ensure logical connectors match meaning.

× Of course, there are the dozens of them. For instance, I'd like to visit a Burj Khalifa, which is located in Dubai.

✓ Of course, there are dozens of them. For instance, I'd like to visit the Burj Khalifa in Dubai.

Use 'dozens' without 'the' when speaking generally. Use the definite article 'the' with a unique landmark 'Burj Khalifa' and omit 'which is located' for concision. Suggestion: use articles appropriately: 'dozens' (general) and 'the' for specific, well-known places.

× I've seen so many, like great theaters and photos about them on social media.

✓ I've seen so many great theaters and photos of them on social media.

Remove filler 'like' and change 'photos about them' to 'photos of them' (correct preposition). Present perfect 'I've seen' is fine for past experiences up to now. Suggestion: avoid filler words and use correct prepositions with 'photos'.

× And in the future I'm planning to validate within five years, I guess with my best friends, I think it will be a great idea.

✓ In the future I'm planning to visit within five years, I guess with my best friends; I think it will be a great idea.

'Validate' is incorrect verb choice; use 'visit'. Keep future planning with present continuous 'I'm planning to visit' or 'I plan to visit'. Break into clearer clauses and use punctuation to separate ideas. Suggestion: choose correct verbs and use clearer sentence boundaries.

× No I don't. I think tall buildings are great outside but not inside because there are not that big as a look from outside and I prefer to live near the ground races and in tall buildings because you you need to like wait for the elevator all the time.

✓ No, I don't. I think tall buildings look great from the outside but not from the inside because they are not as big as they appear from outside. I prefer to live near the ground in low-rise buildings because you need to wait for the elevator all the time in tall buildings.

Original is confused and repetitive ('you you', 'like'), has wrong comparative structure ('not that big as a look from outside'), and unclear phrases ('ground races'). Rephrase: 'look great from the outside', use comparative 'not as big as they appear', 'near the ground' and 'low-rise buildings' clarify meaning. Remove filler words and duplicate words. Suggestion: avoid repetition and fillers, use correct comparative constructions ('not as...as'), and choose correct nouns ('low-rise buildings').