Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the response more concise and correct grammatical errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific detail. Avoid fillers like "umm" and redundant phrases. Use correct verb forms and articles.

例: Yes. I live in Ahmedabad, which has seen a lot of recent development, so there are many tall commercial and residential buildings near my home. For example, a new apartment complex and an office tower were built last year.

提案: Organize the answer with a clear topic sentence then one or two specific supporting reasons or examples. Remove repetition and hesitations. Use linking words (but, however, for example) to connect ideas smoothly.

例: Not usually. I prefer photographing natural scenery, but I will photograph buildings if they improve the composition. For example, I often take photos of city skylines at sunset when the buildings form interesting silhouettes.

提案: Be specific about the building (name or function) and avoid vague phrasing and fillers. Start with a clear statement, then give concrete details (what it displays, architectural features) and a brief reason why you want to visit.

例: Yes. I would like to visit the new city museum, which houses artifacts and the history of Ahmedabad. It has intricate carvings on its upper façade and a striking white exterior, which makes it both culturally and architecturally appealing.

提案: Clarify and correct unclear phrases ("lips would not work" is unclear). Provide a concise topic sentence and two clear reasons with linking words. Use correct vocabulary for power outages or safety concerns.

例: No, I would not want to live in a tall building. Although tall buildings offer great views, I worry about safety and power outages during natural disasters, so I prefer a low-rise home that feels more secure and easier to evacuate.

× So there are a lot of new buildings that has been built be it commercial or residential and they are quite tall.

✓ So there are a lot of new buildings that have been built, be they commercial or residential, and they are quite tall.

The relative clause 'that has been built' refers to 'buildings' (plural), so the verb should be plural 'have been built' (subject-verb agreement). Also 'be it' is incorrect in this context; use the fixed expression 'be they' to introduce alternatives. Add commas to improve clarity.

× To be honest, I don't prefer to take pictures of tall buildings as I am more into taking pictures of natural scenery.

✓ To be honest, I don't prefer taking pictures of tall buildings as I am more into taking pictures of natural scenery.

After 'prefer' both 'to do' and 'doing' are possible, but when contrasted with 'I am more into taking', the gerund 'taking' keeps parallel structure and sounds more natural. This is an issue of verb form consistency (present participle/gerund usage).

× But if a picture is in the if a building is in the frame or picture, I would definitely click pictures.

✓ But if a building is in the frame of a picture, I would definitely take the picture.

The original repeats 'if a picture is in the' and has awkward phrasing 'click pictures.' Remove the redundancy and use the common collocation 'in the frame of a picture' and 'take the picture' for clearer, grammatical sentence structure.

× If there is a sunset happening and the building acts as a silhouette, definitely yes.

✓ If a sunset is happening and the building acts as a silhouette, definitely yes.

Use 'a sunset is happening' rather than 'there is a sunset happening' to be more concise; the issue is use of present participle construction. The sentence is acceptable but this correction improves naturalness and keeps the present continuous form consistent.

× Yes, that is the recent building uh, and it has been built for showcasing artifacts and historical backgrounds of my city.

✓ Yes, that is a recent building, and it was built to showcase artifacts and the history of my city.

'The recent building' sounds odd; use 'a recent building.' 'Has been built for showcasing' is awkward: use past simple 'was built' to state purpose and 'to showcase' (infinitive) is the natural purpose structure. 'Historical backgrounds' is better as 'the history' for clarity.

× So I would definitely like to visit that building as it has intricate carvings on the uppermost part of the building and it is white in colour, so it is quite beautiful.

✓ So I would definitely like to visit that building as it has intricate carvings on the uppermost part, and it is white in colour, so it is quite beautiful.

Redundant repetition of 'of the building' is unnecessary after 'uppermost part.' Removing it makes the sentence more natural. This addresses prepositional redundancy and improves sentence flow.

× No, according to my perspective, I would not want to live in a tall building, although it provides quite scenic views and picturesque pictures.

✓ No, from my perspective, I would not want to live in a tall building, although it provides scenic views and picturesque scenes.

'According to my perspective' is nonstandard; use 'from my perspective.' 'Picturesque pictures' is repetitive; 'picturesque scenes' or simply 'pictures' is better. This corrects pronoun/phrase use and word choice for clarity.

× But I believe that in case of any circumstances or whenever there is any natural phenomenon that is happening, lips would not work and generators would also not work.

✓ But I believe that in case of certain emergencies or natural phenomena, lifts would not work and generators might fail as well.

The original has several errors: 'in case of any circumstances' is vague—use 'in case of certain emergencies.' 'Whenever there is any natural phenomenon that is happening' is wordy; use 'natural phenomena.' 'Lips' is a typo for 'lifts.' 'Would not work' is acceptable but 'might fail' is more natural when expressing possibility. This corrects sentence structure, word choice, and a typo.

× So I would prefer to stay in a low building.

✓ So I would prefer to stay in a low-rise building.

'Low building' is nonstandard; the common term is 'low-rise building.' This fixes a collocation/word choice issue and keeps the conditional preference expressed with 'would prefer.'