Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid fillers (uh, umm). Start with a clear topic sentence, then contrast the two places using a linking word (however/whereas). Add one specific detail about the buildings in Melbourne (e.g., a famous area or skyline feature). Keep to 3–4 sentences.

例: In my village in Pakistan there are no tall buildings, whereas in Melbourne there are many modern skyscrapers. For example, the CBD skyline near Federation Square has several high-rise offices and apartments. I especially enjoy how the glass towers reflect the light at sunset.

提案: Provide a direct topic sentence and reduce hesitation. Use a linking word to introduce a reason (because/so). Give a concrete example of a building you photographed and what you kept (e.g., printed photos or a digital album). Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: I don't often photograph buildings, but I do when they have historical or cultural significance. For instance, I photographed an old Mughal-era mosque in Pakistan because I am interested in history, and I keep the pictures in a digital album for reference.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and expand with 1–2 specific reasons (architecture, location, performances). Avoid repetition and social-media focus; mention personal interest or what you expect to experience. Use a linking phrase (for example/also).

例: I'd love to visit the Sydney Opera House because of its striking sail-like architecture and waterfront location. For example, I want to see a live performance there and photograph the building at dusk to capture the dramatic lighting.

提案: Start with a direct statement (Yes or No) and then give 1–2 specific reasons using linking words (because/so). Mention practical pros or cons (views, noise, convenience) to show balanced thinking. Keep it within 3 sentences.

例: Yes, I would like to live in a tall building because a top-floor apartment would offer excellent panoramic views of the city. However, I would consider factors like elevator convenience and potential noise before deciding.

× we don't have many high rising buildings.

✓ we don't have many high-rise buildings.

'High rising' is not the correct compound adjective. Use 'high-rise' (singular/plural matched to noun: high-rise buildings). This fixes the adjective form and maintains correct plural agreement with 'buildings'. Suggestion: use established compound adjectives like 'high-rise' before nouns.

× skyscrapers which are really good, uh, like, uh, during sunsets.

✓ skyscrapers which look really good during sunsets.

The original lacks a proper verb phrase; 'which are really good during sunsets' is unnatural. Using the present participle 'look' forms a clear descriptive clause. Ensure a verb is present to link subject and description.

× I don't usually take photos of buildings unless the building is wholesome kind of cultural significance or, umm, historical significance, in which case I do take really good pictures.

✓ I don't usually take photos of buildings unless the building has some cultural or historical significance, in which case I take really good pictures.

'Wholesome kind of cultural significance' is ungrammatical and wordy. Use 'has' + noun (present simple) to indicate possession of significance. Remove redundant filler words. Use parallel nouns 'cultural or historical significance'.

× Yes, if I had the chance, I would like to visit Sydney Opera House, umm, because it's by the sea and umm, it's really beautiful.

✓ Yes, if I had the chance, I would like to visit the Sydney Opera House because it's by the sea and it's really beautiful.

Proper names of some buildings take the definite article 'the' in English: 'the Sydney Opera House'. Adding 'the' is required for correct article use. Also remove unnecessary filler words for clarity.

× So it's very big, uh, a picturesque, uh, area and I would definitely want some pictures to share with my followers on Instagram.

✓ So it's a very big, picturesque area and I would definitely want some pictures to share with my followers on Instagram.

Adjectives before a noun should be ordered and combined correctly: 'a very big, picturesque area' places the article and modifiers properly. Original had 'very big, a picturesque' which splits the article incorrectly.

× if I get the chance to live, uh, at the top floor of a skyscraper,

✓ if I get the chance to live on the top floor of a skyscraper,

Use 'on' with floors of a building: 'on the top floor', not 'at the top floor'. Also include the definite article 'the' before 'top floor'.

× it would be really good to see, umm, the surroundings from the top, umm, apartment.

✓ it would be really good to see the surroundings from the top apartment.

The comma placement and extra 'the' made the phrase awkward. Use 'the top apartment' or better 'the top-floor apartment'. 'Top-floor apartment' is clearer: 'from the top-floor apartment'.

× Umm, So yeah, uh, I, I, for the sake of the views, I would definitely like to live in such a place.

✓ So yes, for the sake of the views, I would definitely like to live in such a place.

Remove stuttering and filler sounds to produce a grammatically correct, fluent sentence. Ensure subject and verb are present and not repeated. This improves coherence and naturalness.