Food— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and use a clear topic sentence. Avoid filler words (wow, um) and correct grammatical errors (e.g., 'studying in Australia', 'missing her cooking'). Add one specific detail about the sausage (seasoning, texture, or a memory) and use a linking phrase to connect ideas.

例: My favourite food is my mother’s homemade sausage. I especially love its savory spices and slightly sweet glaze, which remind me of family dinners back in China. Because I’m studying in Australia and haven’t returned for years, I really miss her cooking, especially that sausage.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence and avoid hesitations. Use past tense consistently and give one concrete example of a sweet food and a brief reason. Use linking words like 'because' and 'so' more precisely.

例: When I was young, I loved sweet foods. For example, I often treasured small candies and sweet buns because my family was poor and treats were rare. As a result, those sweets became my happiest childhood memories.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence, reduce fillers and correct grammar (e.g., 'they taste really good', 'this makes me feel relaxed'). Add one specific example of a soup or salad and use a linking word like 'for instance' or 'in contrast'.

例: Yes, I eat different foods with the seasons. For instance, in winter I enjoy hot chicken soup because it warms my stomach and is comforting; in contrast, during summer I prefer a cold cucumber and tomato salad because it feels light and refreshing.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence and use correct tenses (e.g., 'has changed' and 'I liked'). Replace fillers and be specific about what you try now and what healthy choices you make. Use linking words such as 'because' and 'so' to explain the change.

例: Yes, my favourite foods have changed since childhood. I used to like sugary snacks, but now I try many different cuisines and focus on healthy options like grilled fish and steamed vegetables because I care more about my health.

× My favorite food is sausage.

✓ My favorite food is sausage.

No change needed; 'sausage' can be used as an uncountable noun for a type of food. Keep as is.

× It's homemade sausage by my mom because I didn't come back to China for a couple years.

✓ It's homemade sausage made by my mom because I haven't been back to China for a couple of years.

The original mixes past tense 'didn't come back' with the present situation. Use present perfect 'haven't been back' to show the continuing state up to now. Also add 'made' as the past participle to form the passive 'sausage made by my mom' and include 'a' in 'a couple of years.'

× I'm studying Australia so I'm so missing her flavor.

✓ I'm studying in Australia, so I really miss her cooking/flavor.

Use the preposition 'in' after 'studying' for location. Replace 'I'm so missing' with simple present 'I really miss' for current feeling. 'Her flavor' is unnatural; use 'her cooking' or 'her flavor' with 'her' clarified. Also add a comma before 'so.'

× What kind of food did you like when you were young? -> Well, umm, when I was young, I probably, you know, I think it's, uh, sweet food is my favorite.

✓ Well, when I was young, I probably liked sweet foods; they were my favorite.

Question asks about past; use past tense 'liked' not present 'is.' Use plural 'sweet foods' or 'sweet food' consistently; 'they were my favorite' aligns plurality and past tense. Remove fillers for clarity.

× I prefer like sugars because when I was kid, I, it was a poor family.

✓ I liked sugary things because when I was a kid, my family was poor.

'Sugars' is incorrect for liking sweet tastes; use 'sugary things' or 'sweets.' Add article 'a' before 'kid.' Replace 'it was a poor family' with 'my family was poor' for correct subject and expression.

× It was not easy to get the sweet food, especially in China.

✓ It was not easy to get sweet food, especially in China.

Remove the definite article 'the' before 'sweet food' because speaking generally. 'Sweet food' without 'the' is more natural when talking about sweets in general.

× So I think that's the best memory I have.

✓ So I think that's the best memory I have.

Sentence is acceptable; present perfect 'have' is fine to describe a lasting memory. No grammatical correction required.

× I eat different food in different seasons.

✓ I eat different foods in different seasons.

Use plural 'foods' when referring to different types of food across seasons. 'Different food' is uncountable and less natural here.

× For example, in winter, I like soups because soups make my stomach warm and it's tasted really good.

✓ For example, in winter I like soup because it makes my stomach warm and it tastes really good.

Use singular uncountable 'soup' for the general idea; 'it makes' matches singular and present simple 'it tastes' for general statements. Remove 'it's tasted' (incorrect passive/perfect usage).

× And in summer, I would like to have some, you know, salad, like cold food.

✓ And in summer I like to have salads or cold dishes.

'Would like to have some salad' is not wrong but inconsistent with general habit; use present simple 'I like' for habitual actions. Use plural 'salads' or 'cold dishes' for types of food. Remove fillers.

× This kind of make me, you know, relax and chill.

✓ This kind of food makes me relax and chill.

Use third-person singular 'makes' to agree with singular subject 'This kind of food.' Remove fillers and unnecessary comma; 'relax and chill' is acceptable colloquial phrase but keep parallel verbs.

× Oh yeah, definitely change a lot because when I was a kid I like sweet food.

✓ Oh yeah, it has definitely changed a lot because when I was a kid I liked sweet food.

The sentence should use present perfect 'has changed' to describe change up to now. Match past tense 'liked' for childhood preference. Add subject 'it'.

× And now, especially these days, I was trying, you know, a lot of different kinds of food.

✓ And now, especially these days, I am trying a lot of different kinds of food.

Use present continuous 'am trying' for current ongoing activity rather than past 'was trying.' Remove fillers for clarity.

× And I pay more attention to the healthy food because the health, being healthy is like, more important than sweet.

✓ And I pay more attention to healthy food because being healthy is more important than sweets.

Use 'healthy food' without 'the.' 'Being healthy' should be the subject; remove redundant 'the health.' Use plural 'sweets' to refer generally to sweet foods. Reorder for natural English: 'because being healthy is more important than sweets.'