Food— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, correct grammar, and avoid repetitions. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Also correct factual phrasing (e.g., sushi often includes vinegared rice and can include raw or cooked fish).

例: I love sushi, a Japanese dish made of vinegared rice often topped with raw fish. For example, my favourite types are salmon nigiri and tuna rolls because they have a delicate flavor and light texture.

提案: Clarify vocabulary (avoid words like "soapy" unless intentional) and give a clearer topic sentence plus specific details and a reason. Use linking words to connect ideas and correct word choice (e.g., "savory" and name the dish if possible).

例: When I was young I loved a savory soup my grandmother made, which included chicken and peanuts. Because it was comforting and full of flavor, I always asked for seconds whenever she cooked it.

提案: Be direct and concise. Begin with a clear statement, then give one or two specific supporting details (examples of dishes or small seasonal variations). Avoid filler words and correct seasonal terms (tropical islands usually have rainy and dry seasons).

例: Not really. I live on a tropical island with mainly rainy and dry seasons, so my diet stays similar year-round; however, during the rainy season I tend to eat more hot soups and stews for comfort.

提案: Use correct grammar (subject-verb agreement), avoid fillers, and structure the answer: a clear statement about whether it changed, then one specific reason and a short description of the dish. Keep within 1–3 sentences.

例: No, my favourite food hasn't changed; I still love my grandmother's fried rice. It includes eggs, chicken and shrimp, and I like it because it's flavorful and reminds me of family meals.

× It's actually a dish from Japan and it's actually consists of like of type of fish.

✓ It's a dish from Japan and it actually consists of a type of fish.

Using 'actually' twice is redundant and word order was incorrect: 'it consists' should not follow 'it's' directly with 'consists' as another verb. Remove the extra 'it's' and place 'actually' before 'consists' or omit one instance. Also remove filler words 'like of'. Suggestion: use a single 'actually' and correct verb phrase to 'it actually consists of a type of fish.'

× Usually it's raw and it's salmon or tuna with, uh, rice.

✓ Usually it is raw, and it is salmon or tuna served with rice.

Use of 'it's' repeatedly is informal; sentence needs clearer verb for accompaniment: 'served with rice' is more natural than 'with rice'. Also add comma before conjunction to separate clauses. Avoid filler 'uh'.

× When I was younger I used to like a very soapy food since that's what my grandma always feeds me.

✓ When I was younger I used to like a very soupy food since that's what my grandma always fed me.

The word 'soapy' is incorrect here; the intended adjective is 'soupy' (containing soup). Also verb tense consistency: 'used to like' with a past habit should pair with 'fed' not 'feeds'. Change 'feeds' to past 'fed'.

× Typically it's a type of soup with peanuts or even with chicken, and it's very savory as well.

✓ Typically it is a type of soup with peanuts or even chicken, and it is very savory as well.

Redundant use of 'with' before both objects is unnecessary; 'with peanuts or chicken' is concise. Also keep consistent contraction style: expand to 'it is' for clarity. No preposition 'even with' needed.

× Well, I wouldn't say that I eat different food in different seasons since I live in a tropical island which only consists of two season, which is the rainy season and the spring season.

✓ Well, I wouldn't say that I eat different foods in different seasons since I live on a tropical island which has only two seasons: the rainy season and the dry season.

Article and preposition: use 'on a tropical island' not 'in a tropical island'. 'Food' should be plural 'foods' when referring to different kinds. 'Consists of two season' is incorrect: an island does not 'consist of seasons'; use 'has' and plural 'seasons'. Also 'spring season' is odd for a tropical island; likely 'dry season' is meant. Use a colon to list seasons.

× Uh, meaning that the food that I consume will almost always be the same.

✓ This means that the food I eat will almost always be the same.

'Meaning that' is a fragment; rephrase to 'This means that'. Use 'eat' rather than formal 'consume' in spoken context. Remove filler 'Uh'.

× My favorite food haven't changed since I was a child since I've always liked fried rice, especially the one that was made by my grandmother.

✓ My favorite food hasn't changed since I was a child because I've always liked fried rice, especially the one that was made by my grandmother.

Subject-verb agreement: 'food' is singular so use 'hasn't' not 'haven't'. Also use 'because' instead of the repeated 'since' to avoid ambiguity and improve clarity.

× It consists of umm, basically eggs, chicken, and also shrimp.

✓ It consists of, basically, eggs, chicken, and shrimp.

Remove filler 'umm' and extra 'also' which are unnecessary. The pronoun 'it' is acceptable here referring to the dish; streamline the list by removing redundant words.

× And we'll never forget the rice.

✓ And we must never forget the rice.

Original 'we'll never forget the rice' (we will) suggests future inevitability but in context speaker likely means 'we must never forget' or 'I will never forget'. Clarify intended meaning. Also starting sentence with 'And' is acceptable in speech but for clarity use 'We must'. If speaker meant personal memory, use 'I will never forget the rice.'