Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and structured: start with a clear topic sentence stating whether you walk a lot, then give one or two specific supporting details (when, where, or why). Reduce hesitations and avoid repeating words. Use linking words like 'however' or 'because' to connect ideas.

例: I don't walk a lot during the day because I work from home, but I usually go for a short walk or go to the gym in the morning. For example, I walk for about 20 minutes before starting work because it helps me stay healthy and feel energetic.

提案: Answer clearly with past tense and give one specific detail about routines or memories. Use linking words like 'usually' or 'often' and avoid grammatical errors (use 'went' not 'got'). Keep it to two or three sentences.

例: Yes, I often went outside as a child. My family usually went to the park every weekend, and we would play games and have picnics together, which was a lot of fun.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and support it with two specific reasons or examples, using linking words like 'because' and 'for example.' Avoid filler words and repeat vocabulary by using synonyms (relaxation, fresh air, scenery).

例: People like walking in parks because they offer relaxation and fresh air. For example, parks are quieter than busy streets and have trees and paths that help people reduce stress and enjoy nature.

提案: Start with a direct conditional sentence and give one or two specific reasons why you would choose that place. Use fewer hesitations and include linking words like 'because' and 'for example.'

例: If I had the chance, I would take a long walk in a rural area because it is peaceful and has beautiful scenery. For example, walking along country lanes and fields would help me relax and clear my mind.

提案: Use past simple correctly and give one or two concrete details about the walk (what you did, how long, who you were with). Use linking words like 'because' and 'so' correctly, and avoid repeating phrases.

例: Last weekend I went to the park because it is quiet and has many green areas. I walked there for about 40 minutes, enjoyed the fresh air, and felt much less stressed afterward.

× Uh, well, actually I'm not sure I work a lot because I have to, uh, I have to work my, my on my work from home.

✓ Uh, well, actually I'm not sure I walk a lot because I work from home.

The student used 'work a lot' incorrectly when answering 'Do you walk a lot?'. This is a present tense usage error and a sentence-meaning mismatch. Use simple present 'I walk' to state habitual actions. Also simplify redundant phrases 'I have to work my, my on my work from home' to 'I work from home.' Suggestion: use clear simple present for routines: 'I walk a lot' or 'I don't walk a lot.'

× So, but I am usually go to the, uh, gym in the in the morning.

✓ But I usually go to the gym in the morning.

The incorrect combination 'am usually go' mixes the present continuous auxiliary with a simple present verb. Use simple present 'I usually go' for habitual actions. Remove extra articles and filler words. Suggestion: 'I usually go to the gym in the morning.'

× I, I want to stay healthy and fit.

✓ I want to stay healthy and fit.

Repeated filler 'I, I' is a fluency issue causing awkward sentence structure. Removing the repetition yields a correct simple present sentence expressing desire. Suggestion: pause instead of repeating pronouns.

× So if I have free time, I.

✓ So if I have free time, I go for a walk.

The sentence is incomplete and lacks a main verb and object, making it a sentence structure error. Complete the conditional clause with the main action. Suggestion: finish the thought: 'I go for a walk' or 'I exercise.'

× Yes, absolutely. I got the outside when I, when I am in childhood.

✓ Yes, absolutely. I went outside when I was a child.

'Mistaken use of 'got' and present tense 'am' for past events. Use past simple 'went' for the action and past 'was' for state. 'When I was a child' is the correct time phrase. Suggestion: use past simple consistently for past habits: 'I went outside when I was a child.'

× So uh, we are, me and my family members go to the park, uh, in every, uh, weekends, uh, in my childhood, uh, we, umm, we are fun to get the together.

✓ So my family and I went to the park every weekend when I was a child; we had fun getting together.

Multiple errors: incorrect pronoun order 'me and my family members' should be 'my family and I' as subject. Tense should be past 'went' and adverb 'every weekend' (not 'in every weekends'). 'We are fun to get the together' is ungrammatical; use 'we had fun getting together.' Suggestion: use correct subject order, plural/singular forms, and past tense for past events.

× I think, uh, in my opinion, uh, people, uh, walk in a park, uh, they want relaxation and quiet, uh, uh, place, uh, they need to quiet place to, uh, walk.

✓ I think people walk in parks because they want relaxation and quiet; they need a quiet place to walk.

Use plural 'parks' for general statements or 'a park' with article. The sentence repetitively mixes fragments. Add 'a' before 'quiet place.' Use 'because' for reason. Suggestion: make the generalization with plural or use 'a' for a singular example: 'people walk in parks' or 'people walk in a park.'

× So I think that's the more, that's the major reason, umm, walking in the parks more.

✓ So I think that's the main reason people walk in parks more often.

Awkward phrasing and repetition 'that's the more, that's the major reason' and incorrect placement of 'more.' Recast sentence to clear subject and verb: 'the main reason people walk in parks more often.' Suggestion: use 'main' or 'major' and place frequency adverb 'more often' after verb.

× I if I had a chance, uh, I would like to go walk, uh, in some quiet, uh, place like, uh, rural area, uh, I actually want, uh, relax, get, get the relaxation, uh, some quiet, umm, place.

✓ If I had the chance, I would like to take a walk in a quiet rural area because I want to relax and get some peace.

Fix conditional word order: 'If I had the chance' (not 'I if I'). Use 'take a walk' or 'go for a walk' instead of 'go walk.' Add articles 'a quiet rural area.' Replace 'get the relaxation' with 'get some peace' or 'relax.' Suggestion: use correct 'if' clause order and natural verbs: 'go for a walk' or 'take a walk.'

× Well, I went to the park in last weekend, uh, because, umm, in here so, uh, quite and, uh, so many green areas.

✓ Well, I went to the park last weekend because it's quiet here and there are many green areas.

Do not use 'in' with 'last weekend' — say 'last weekend.' 'In here so' is incorrect; use 'it's quiet here' or 'it's quiet there.' Use 'there are many green areas' for plural existence. Suggestion: use past simple for completed actions and correct time expressions: 'last weekend.'

× So I feel very relaxed and I can't really relieve my stress as, uh, in there as well.

✓ So I felt very relaxed and it really helped relieve my stress there as well.

Tense mismatch: if referring to the past visit, use past 'felt' and 'helped.' 'I can't really relieve my stress as in there' is ungrammatical; recast to 'it helped relieve my stress there.' Suggestion: maintain past tense for past events and use clear subject 'it' for the park experience.

× So I walk uh.

✓ So I walked there.

Incomplete fragment 'So I walk uh' lacks clarity and correct tense. If referring to the past visit, use past 'walked' and add location 'there.' Suggestion: complete the sentence to match context: 'So I walked there.'