Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and correct word choice; start with a clear topic sentence, correct mistakes (work → walk), avoid repetition, and use linking words for coherence. Give a precise duration and purpose. Keep within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I walk quite regularly because I consider walking good exercise. For example, I walk for about 30 to 60 minutes every day to stay fit and reduce stress. It also helps me clear my mind before work.

提案: Begin with a direct topic sentence answering the question, correct grammar and redundancy (don’t repeat negatives), and use one linking word to add reason. Be specific about activities and frequency.

例: No, I didn’t go out to walk very often as a child. Instead, I usually stayed indoors reading books or watching films because I was quite introverted and preferred solitary activities.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and avoid repetition of phrases like "because" and "allow". Use linking words (for example, furthermore) and provide two distinct reasons with brief examples or outcomes.

例: People enjoy walking in parks mainly because it is a pleasant way to exercise and relax. For example, parks offer fresh air and quiet paths, and moreover walking there helps reduce stress and improves mood.

提案: Respond directly with a clear conditional sentence; remove fillers like 'uh' and repetitive phrases. Use linking words to give reasons and describe sensory details briefly and specifically.

例: If I had the chance, I would take a long walk along the seaside because I enjoy the cool sea breeze and the wide ocean views. Walking there would feel relaxing and refreshing after a busy week.

提案: Start with a concise answer naming the place and use past tense consistently. Avoid filler phrases and repetition. Give one or two specific details about what you did or observed using linking words.

例: Recently I went to Guangzhou and walked a lot during my visit this summer. I usually walked in the city's large parks, where I enjoyed watching people and their pets playing and relaxing.

× Yes, I work a lot because I think walking is a type of exercising and I think everyone needs to exercise more to ensure that you will stay healthy.

✓ Yes, I work a lot because I think walking is a type of exercise and I think everyone needs to exercise more to ensure that they stay healthy.

Use 'exercise' (noun) rather than 'exercising' after 'type of'. Also maintain consistent pronoun reference: change 'you will' to 'they' to match general subject and present simple 'stay' for habitual truth.

× So I always walk for like 30 to an hour for a day to keep myself fit.

✓ So I always walk for about 30 minutes to an hour each day to keep myself fit.

Use 'about' for approximations, '30 minutes' is needed instead of '30', and 'each day' fits better than 'for a day'. 'To' between two time durations should be 'to' but specify units.

× When I was young, I usually stayed indoors because I enjoyed reading books and watching movies instead of going out.

✓ When I was young, I usually stayed indoors because I enjoyed reading books and watching movies instead of going out.

No grammatical change needed; sentence is correct. (Included because it is fine regarding tense.)

× Because I'm more of an introverted person and I don't really like I didn't really like to social socialize with others.

✓ Because I'm more of an introverted person and I don't really like socializing with others.

Remove redundant phrase 'I didn't really like' and use gerund 'socializing' after 'like'. 'Social socialize' was duplicated; choose 'socializing'.

× I think people like to walk in parks because it allows because walking is a simple form of exercising and it allows them to breathe in fresh air to allow them to relax and not work for a a short period of time.

✓ I think people like to walk in parks because walking is a simple form of exercise and it allows them to breathe fresh air, relax, and take a short break from work.

Use 'exercise' (noun) not 'exercising' after 'form of'. Remove repeated 'because' and redundant 'to allow'. Use parallel verbs 'breathe', 'relax', 'take' and concise phrase 'short break from work'.

× If I have the chance, uh, I would like to take a walk near the seaside because I really want to feel the sea breeze and also I really enjoy watching the sea view because so I would like to go to the seaside and walk there after.

✓ If I had the chance, I would like to take a walk by the seaside because I really want to feel the sea breeze and enjoy the sea view, so I would like to walk there.

Use conditional 'If I had the chance' with 'would' for hypothetical. Simplify and remove filler words 'uh' and redundant phrases. Use 'by the seaside' and 'enjoy the sea view' for natural phrasing.

× So I went to Guangzhou and during this summer and during this short period of time, I have walked a lot and I usually walked in the park because their parks, the parks in Guangzhou are very big and I really enjoy watching people and their animal and their pets play.

✓ I went to Guangzhou this summer, and during that short period I walked a lot. I usually walked in the parks because the parks in Guangzhou are very big, and I really enjoyed watching people and their animals play.

Use simple past 'went' and 'walked' for completed actions. Avoid mixing present perfect with past time expressions like 'this summer'. Use 'parks' and 'their animals' (or 'their pets') and change 'enjoy' to past 'enjoyed' to match past timeframe.